What's your experience as a young hobbyist ? Or what was your experience like if you started young ?

[FindersKeepers]

I entered this hobby in my very early 20s. Now, I am 25.

2025, I met an escort almost once a month. I decided to withdraw after a very bad experience towards the end of the year. Instead, I've been spending on strip clubs. I find it to be better value in terms of $/hr and many times safer. I tried to see an escort a few weeks ago (see my history), but I got a bait and switch. After the past year, I've become more selective in whom I book. Still a LL gambler but opting for highly reviewed women instead (Like sweet.cherry. Might see her soon when she comes back to downtown!)

I don't believe this hobby has ruined my relationships with women. In fact, having my sexual needs filled has made it easier to form genuine connections with women. I'm very early in my financial journey, but I imagine hobbying is like being financially independent; where you are not beholden to a job you don't enjoy. Likewise, I seek out friendships with women whose company I enjoy, in the same manner I seek friendships with men. Although I do often wonder if that friendship would persist if they knew of my hobbying.

I did ask a friend, jokingly, if we would still be friends if I engaged with sex workers. She said yes, but keep it to myself like any other sexual activity.

I work out regularly. I have a girl I'm fwb with who asks me why I have so many female friends but I only sleep with her. I've had women compliment me on my facial complexion and its symmetry. I have a fairly complex skincare routine by most men's standards. I sometimes surprise women when I discuss skincare ingredients with them. I've had escorts ask me if I was underage. I prefer to be humble but I think I'm good-looking. Not 10/10 but above average to the point that some women wonder if I'm gay (again, if only they knew of this hobby).

To your point about objectification, admittedly, I've sometimes looked at a young woman and wondered what price, if any, would she accept.

I've almost entirely stopped spending on escorts. Instead, I have diverted most of it towards investing and a fraction of what I was spending on escorts into real dates instead. I've found it to be more fulfilling. The emotional value in spending time with women who are interested in you is way more than escorts could offer at a fraction of the cost.

I see myself leaving this hobby soon. I see my money better spent on cultivating myself and my relationships with women. I imagine I'll be like many of the older gentlemen here who hobbied in their 20s, quit for decades, and came back after they grew their wealth.

 

[FindersKeepers]

When I was in college, I accidentally walked in a not so legit Asian massage parlour. I got a petite hot Asian milf in her 40s. I was fighting for my life to get rid of my erection and right when she started the fun stuff on me, I ran out of there . After a few weeks of mental gymnastics with myself, I came back to see her.

After graduating, I moved to a different city, got a few gf here and there and in some instance I had thought of her but only came back to the hobby right before the pandemic.

The biggest thing that affected me was craving for variety. I don’t think I can commit to one partner anymore and I feel guilty and ashamed to admit to a potential partner so I rather stay single and see professionals.

I mostly had good experiences, had a few ordinary ones here and there but nothing disastrous. I am clearly aware of the fact I am seeing professionals and they are nice to me because I paid them but still very grateful after each good encounters. It must not be easy for them to be all smiles facing an old fart like me. Sometime I wonder what they really think of me, but brush off those thought quickly. I’m very well aware I look nothing like Brad Pitt and probably boring, but still try my best to be a good customer. I don’t think much of them after my appointment and go on with my day.

My only advice to a young lad like yourself is to seperate the professionals to civies. Professionals are like instant gratification, you don’t need to try hard to impress them and almost garantied to have a good time as long you are clean, respectful and have some common sense. A civie on the other hand, you will have to try much harder to have a real relationship but they are much more meaningful too.

My favourite stripper probably secretly hates me too. I enjoy hanging out with her. We have good banter. But every now and then, I'll stay something really stupid while drunk and I'll just watch her smile at me while saying nothing. I'm not saying anything offensive to her. I just like saying dumb things and watch her do her best to continue acting interested in me. It's somewhat endearing from my point of view.

Dumb jokes that would end a date with a civilian but with a stripper, she'll continue sticking by my side for the money.

Edit: To elaborate, she has this wide, close-mouthed smile that I absolutely adore. Like an enigmatic Cheshire Cat smile. It only comes out when I say something stupid!

 

[FindersKeepers]

I started this at 27 a week shy of turning 28.

Was making pretty good money for someone in my 20s but my dating life was a mess. This was due to working for a few years in the overnight trading desk which contributed a messed up dating/social life. I was 23 to 26. Many of the guys working this shift were hobbyists and some are married or in a serious relationship. They were a few years older than me. After chatting up with these guys after work they all stressed that getting rid of the need to bang hot girls will do wonders and the magic number was between 36 to 38 women. Thought this was bullshit.

Then found the Montreal scene and saw the 36 to 38 SPs and realized these guys were RIGHT. This was from 2004 to 2011 with 2005/2007 as year breaks as I was in a few months long civie relationships.

After an active 2025 (under a dozen was all I could afford! Can't do 36 to 38 rn), I've also somewhat lost the need to bang hot girls. Women are just regular people now; not prizes to chase relentlessly.

Edit: I did hobby before 2025 too, but 2025 was my most active

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

I don't believe this hobby has ruined my relationships with women. In fact, having my sexual needs filled has made it easier to form genuine connections with women.

I see myself leaving this hobby soon. I see my money better spent on cultivating myself and my relationships with women

Thank you for sharing your story. Good decision, because the longer you stay, the less likely the first statement above is to remain true. It's a slow rewiring of the rewards and attachment networks in the brain.

The emotional value in spending time with women who are interested in you is way more than escorts could offer at a fraction of the cost.

I wouldn't even factor in cost here. Real friendship and love are a source of emotional well-being, but also of meaning in life. We often compare seeing escorts with having a girlfriend because the physical acts performed in their company are the same, but it's a mistake. In fact, the real value of a deep friendship or love is immaterial, and transcends anything that one can derive from a transactional relationship.

 

[EastWind]

After an active 2025 (under a dozen was all I could afford! Can't do 36 to 38 rn), I've also somewhat lost the need to bang hot girls. Women are just regular people now; not prizes to chase relentlessly.

Edit: I did hobby before 2025 too, but 2025 was my most active

This took place over a six year period and stopped in 2011.

 

[DetectiveBOOBS]

My favourite stripper probably secretly hates me too. I enjoy hanging out with her. We have good banter. But every now and then, I'll stay something really stupid while drunk and I'll just watch her smile at me while saying nothing. I'm not saying anything offensive to her. I just like saying dumb things and watch her do her best to continue acting interested in me. It's somewhat endearing from my point of view.

Dumb jokes that would end a date with a civilian but with a stripper, she'll continue sticking by my side for the money.

Edit: To elaborate, she has this wide, close-mouthed smile that I absolutely adore. Like an enigmatic Cheshire Cat smile. It only comes out when I say something stupid!

One of my regular also has this smile. She says oki then has this Close mouth big eye tilting her head. It’s adorable and I knew I just said something stupid. I try to not venture too much in those thoughts.

Once I caught her reflexion in the mirror rolling her eyes. I appreciate her effort of pretending to enjoy my presence.

If she were to review me it would be something along the lines of
Looks: 4/10 not too ugly barely manageable for the eyes
Service: 8/10 easy
Annoying: 9/10 thanks god he is only here for a few hours

I agree with you brother, on a civie date she would take a look at me and walk out and I might get a slap on the face for saying stupid things

For people who started young and didn’t have much dating experience, the social aspect between men and women would be catastrophic. Seeing sp is easy mode and dating civies would be a harsh reality which can push you to see sp which can potentially result in a toxic cycle

 

[Smitty Jaeger-Manjenson]

Lost my virginity at 23 to a lady of the evening (my preferred terminology, thanks Bubbles from TPB) and have zero regrets. I've been quite antisocial most of my life and have had very poor rolls of the dice with women. My last genuine girlfriend suffered from mental health issues and was emotionally withdrawn, two basket cases equals potential catastrophe. So because I tend to judge things in life with a cold, rationalistic approach instead of an emotion-driven one, I did the cost-benefit analysis and arrived at the conclusion that dating does not give satisfactory returns given how much you invest in it financially and especially emotionally. In other words, it's a poor investment. Particularly from an emotional perspective because I am just ill-equipped to deal with another person's histrionics and manipulation, I just get up and fuck off because I guard my own mental well-being jealously.

So I'm the wild man who essentially withdrew from society. I can barely tolerate other human beings most of the time. I just lift, train and copulate with women of exquisite beauty. I refuse to hurt other people and refuse to be hurt, except if it's in the ring because we all signed up for that shit. Life could be a lot worse, I made the conscious decision to prioritize my fragile sanity and peace of mind above all other considerations.

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

Lost my virginity at 23 to a lady of the evening (my preferred terminology, thanks Bubbles from TPB) and have zero regrets. I've been quite antisocial most of my life and have had very poor rolls of the dice with women. My last genuine girlfriend suffered from mental health issues and was emotionally withdrawn, two basket cases equals potential catastrophe. So because I tend to judge things in life with a cold, rationalistic approach instead of an emotion-driven one, I did the cost-benefit analysis and arrived at the conclusion that dating does not give satisfactory returns given how much you invest in it financially and especially emotionally. In other words, it's a poor investment. Particularly from an emotional perspective because I am just ill-equipped to deal with another person's histrionics and manipulation, I just get up and fuck off because I guard my own mental well-being jealously.

So I'm the wild man who essentially withdrew from society. I can barely tolerate other human beings most of the time. I just lift, train and copulate with women of exquisite beauty. I refuse to hurt other people and refuse to be hurt, except if it's in the ring because we all signed up for that shit. Life could be a lot worse, I made the conscious decision to prioritize my fragile sanity and peace of mind above all other considerations.

I can relate, having been through similar experiences. I also believe in the power of reason and scientific inquiry as a way to navigate through life with purpose. We have to admit, though, that when we give up on love, we give up on a large part of what it means to be human. And that is a sad realization.

 

[Smitty Jaeger-Manjenson]

I can relate, having been through similar experiences. I also believe in the power of reason and scientific inquiry as a way to navigate through life with purpose. We have to admit, though, that when we give up on love, we give up on a large part of what it means to be human. And that is a sad realization.

The dating scene is FUBAR as far as I'm concerned, I believe that apps like Tinder are a big culprit in this. One night stands are even easier than in the 60's for the boomer generation, yet Gen Y and Gen Z are the least satisfied when it comes to establishing actual serious relationships. It's all too commodified, the slowly decaying economy doesn't help things either.

I haven't been able to condition myself to the point where I'm incapable of romantic feelings (because then I'd have bigger issues that come as a package deal, lol) but I'm certainly more cold-hearted than in my idealistic youth. I hold onto the silly boyhood dream that as I travel the world, I'll find my wife overseas but I'm not holding my breath. No amount of cardio could give me that lung capacity.

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

I haven't been able to condition myself to the point where I'm incapable of romantic feelings (because then I'd have bigger issues that come as a package deal, lol) but I'm certainly more cold-hearted than in my idealistic youth. I hold onto the silly boyhood dream that as I travel the world, I'll find my wife overseas but I'm not holding my breath. No amount of cardio could give me that lung capacity.

On my end, my only experience of what my brain and body interpreted as love was essentially a fear conditioning experiment, such as the motivation to repeat the experience is absent. Translation: it hurt so much that I don't ever want to risk it again.

 

[envelopes]

For context, I’ve been hobbying for a few years. I started in my mid 20s, I'm currently in my late 20s.

long story short, as dumb as it might sound, I started hobbying cause I wanted to get over a girl and my huge ego wouldn't let me text her back. Out of curiosity, I looked up and found an SP who had a similar physique to her, I enjoyed the experience and discovered more SPs I was attracted to, and I"ve never stopped.

I have a fairly busy life, long hours at work, gym, and personal projects. The little free time I get, I try to spend it with friends and family, so I haven't really been dating, in fact, I have been single the whole time since I started hobbying. I'm slowly starting to realize that I'm having less and less emotional connections with civic women, and that need or urge is slowly fading away.

I've had instances when I'd meet a new SP and they would ask me "'why are you here ?'' ''why don't you get a girlfriend'' or ''you're so young''. I used to brush it off and come up with some dump excuses like "'I just got off a relationship'' then I'd change the subject. Now that I replay those scenarios in my head, I'm starting to feel like there might be something wrong with me ?

Just today, I was coming out of a great session with an SP downtown, I was kind low on energy and decided to grab a coffee. I locked eyes with a cute girl at the shop, we both smiled, we glanced at each other a couple more times (in my early 20s I would have 100% talked to her and try to get her number) but in that moment, she reminded me of an SP I saw a couple times and it kinda felt pointless cause I've already experienced it ?! In retrospect I kinda objectified that girl and it feels like shit.

Sorry for the long post, I'm trying to make sense of these thoughts and feelings.

Maybe this has been asked before, but what is or was your experience like as a young hobbyist ?
Do you ever feel like it affects your dating life or relationships ?
Has your approach on dating or women changed since you started hobbying ?
Do you ever need to take a break from the hobby to build that aspect of your life ? or does it come naturally to you ?

I'm fortunate enough to afford to see one or two SPs per week, not every week but it's been kinda consistent for the past few years. Is that way too much ?

Started at 27 after a divorce. It's been about 10 years now.

Maybe this has been asked before, but what is or was your experience like as a young hobbyist ?

I've slowed down from my earlier days. In the first 6-7 years, I saw probably 1000+ SPs. Several per week. I also traveled a lot, so on work trips in good hobbying countries, it would be 5-10 a day. In the past 3 years, I have slowed it down considerably. It was fun. Exciting. But also, pre-2020, the scene was just a lot better, so it was easy to find really great experiences. Super hot SPs with great service were 90% of my encounters. Many SPs who wanted to stay and hang out and go out. It was a ton of fun. Much more rare now.

Do you ever feel like it affects your dating life or relationships ?

No. But I was never really great at dating. I went on a date with someone new maybe once a month. That didn't change. As for relationships, I'm in a serious long term relationship now (which is why I don't really SPs anymore, maybe here or there, but she knows about it)

Has your approach on dating or women changed since you started hobbying ?

If anything, it just made me more picky. Before this hobby, I only went out with someone I found attractive. These days? I only go out with someone if I find them very attractive. This hobby made me realize I don't care to date someone I'm not attracted to. Before, I would give it a chance. Now? No.

Do you ever need to take a break from the hobby to build that aspect of your life ? or does it come naturally to you ?

I don't see why they are mutually exclusive. When I was going out on dates, I still treated as a real date. Seeing an SP later that week didn't change that. When I got into this serious one, I simply stopped (except for some here and there, but it's very rare, maybe once FS in the past year, mostly HE)

 

[x5fq]

would recommend seeing Indies

why ?

 

[x5fq]

I try not to wander around from SP to SP. Don't have the money anyway. I stick to independent. Don't like agencies.

Like if independents charge less ? Why don't you like agencies ?

 

[x5fq]

But, paying is easy. Seducing a woman is far more rewarding than paying in my opinion.

Especially when you get rejected like if you are a waste and keep asking for more humiliation, more "no answer" even if you said "Hi"

 

[mtlspacial]

Like if independents charge less ? Why don't you like agencies ?

Hi, it's not about the price.

I just don't like the feeling that agencies feel more like a factory. After what happened to XO, it convinced me even more. I also prefer to deal one on one (not through a booker). I don't know what records the agency keeps on their clients. It's already illegal for them to operate. So, I prefer to deal with indys that I trust.

 

[x5fq]

I just don't like the feeling that agencies feel more like a factory.

Indies are just owners of their own factory

 

[mtlspacial]

Especially when you get rejected like if you are a waste and keep asking for more humiliation, more "no answer" even if you said "Hi"

Most men are fearful of rejection and, accordingly, fail to act.
Men should condition themselves with rejection therapy (without being creepy of course). It builds the skills and confidence you need. See a woman you're interested in or you find beautiful, smile, if she smiles back, say hello. Strike a conversation. If she's not interested, say have a nice day, move on and stop caring. 9 times out of 10 you will fail. Get used to it. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

 

[x5fq]

Most men are fearful of rejection and, accordingly, fail to act.
Men should condition themselves with rejection therapy (without being creepy of course). It builds the skills and confidence you need. See a woman you're interested in or you find beautiful, smile, if she smiles back, say hello. Strike a conversation. If she's not interested, say have a nice day, move on and stop caring. 9 times out of 10 you will fail. Get used to it. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Oh yeah, rejection therapy. "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Thanks Wayne Gretzky.
Except the playing field has changed. Women finally know their worth, considering where they started historically, considering what they had to fight through to even get a seat at the table, but the scale used to measure it is completely miscalibrated. Result : smile at a woman in the street = potentially labeled a creep before you've finished your sentence.

So guys do the math. PS5, fleshlight, quiet weekend. Not out of cowardice. Basic logic.

And now we have street interviews where women genuinely wonder why nobody approaches them anymore.

Total mystery.

 

[mtlspacial]

Oh yeah, rejection therapy. "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Thanks Wayne Gretzky.
Except the playing field has changed. Women finally know their worth, considering where they started historically, considering what they had to fight through to even get a seat at the table, but the scale used to measure it is completely miscalibrated. Result : smile at a woman in the street = potentially labeled a creep before you've finished your sentence.

So guys do the math. PS5, fleshlight, quiet weekend. Not out of cowardice. Basic logic.

And now we have street interviews where women genuinely wonder why nobody approaches them anymore.

Total mystery.

Funny, whenever I smile at a woman in the street, I usually get a genuine smile back. But, I'm just displaying happiness. I don't try to force anything. I don't smile maliciously or like I'm predator, that's what makes it creepy.

Anyway, it you have a defeatist attitude to begin with, might as well stick to your PS5 and fleshlight.

 

[x5fq]

Funny, whenever I smile at a woman in the street, I usually get a genuine smile back. But, I'm just displaying happiness. I don't try to force anything. I don't smile maliciously or like I'm predator, that's what makes it creepy.

Anyway, it you have a defeatist attitude to begin with, might as well stick to your PS5 and fleshlight.

The PS5 and fleshlight line : you used that to sidestep the argument. Instead of engaging with what's actually happening at scale, you made it about attitude and personal choices. That's the easy move.
The market has changed structurally. Making it about attitude is just an easy way out of engaging with what's actually happening. That's not a mindset problem. Men checking out of dating by the millions isn't a mindset problem you can fix with a better smile. Dismissing it that way just means you're not engaging with the actual question.