What's your experience as a young hobbyist ? Or what was your experience like if you started young ?

[JustIndude]

For context, I’ve been hobbying for a few years. I started in my mid 20s, I'm currently in my late 20s.

long story short, as dumb as it might sound, I started hobbying cause I wanted to get over a girl and my huge ego wouldn't let me text her back. Out of curiosity, I looked up and found an SP who had a similar physique to her, I enjoyed the experience and discovered more SPs I was attracted to, and I"ve never stopped.

I have a fairly busy life, long hours at work, gym, and personal projects. The little free time I get, I try to spend it with friends and family, so I haven't really been dating, in fact, I have been single the whole time since I started hobbying. I'm slowly starting to realize that I'm having less and less emotional connections with civic women, and that need or urge is slowly fading away.

I've had instances when I'd meet a new SP and they would ask me "'why are you here ?'' ''why don't you get a girlfriend'' or ''you're so young''. I used to brush it off and come up with some dump excuses like "'I just got off a relationship'' then I'd change the subject. Now that I replay those scenarios in my head, I'm starting to feel like there might be something wrong with me ?

Just today, I was coming out of a great session with an SP downtown, I was kind low on energy and decided to grab a coffee. I locked eyes with a cute girl at the shop, we both smiled, we glanced at each other a couple more times (in my early 20s I would have 100% talked to her and try to get her number) but in that moment, she reminded me of an SP I saw a couple times and it kinda felt pointless cause I've already experienced it ?! In retrospect I kinda objectified that girl and it feels like shit.

Sorry for the long post, I'm trying to make sense of these thoughts and feelings.

Maybe this has been asked before, but what is or was your experience like as a young hobbyist ?
Do you ever feel like it affects your dating life or relationships ?
Has your approach on dating or women changed since you started hobbying ?
Do you ever need to take a break from the hobby to build that aspect of your life ? or does it come naturally to you ?

I'm fortunate enough to afford to see one or two SPs per week, not every week but it's been kinda consistent for the past few years. Is that way too much ?

 

[twenty4seven]

I'm fortunate enough to afford to see one or two SPs per week, not every week but it's been kinda consistent for the past few years. Is that way too much ?

I'm not in the right age range for this question (only started seeing providers just over a year ago) and never saw anyone other than a gf during those years but I'm in this ballpark for sp spending, myself, so I'm not a great judge but I'm comfortable and it's within my budget so who cares?

 

[mtlspacial]

For context, I’ve been hobbying for a few years. I started in my mid 20s, I'm currently in my late 20s.

long story short, as dumb as it might sound, I started hobbying cause I wanted to get over a girl and my huge ego wouldn't let me text her back. Out of curiosity, I looked up and found an SP who had a similar physique to her, I enjoyed the experience and discovered more SPs I was attracted to, and I"ve never stopped.

I have a fairly busy life, long hours at work, gym, and personal projects. The little free time I get, I try to spend it with friends and family, so I haven't really been dating, in fact, I have been single the whole time since I started hobbying. I'm slowly starting to realize that I'm having less and less emotional connections with civic women, and that need or urge is slowly fading away.

I've had instances when I'd meet a new SP and they would ask me "'why are you here ?'' ''why don't you get a girlfriend'' or ''you're so young''. I used to brush it off and come up with some dump excuses like "'I just got off a relationship'' then I'd change the subject. Now that I replay those scenarios in my head, I'm starting to feel like there might be something wrong with me ?

Just today, I was coming out of a great session with an SP downtown, I was kind low on energy and decided to grab a coffee. I locked eyes with a cute girl at the shop, we both smiled, we glanced at each other a couple more times (in my early 20s I would have 100% talked to her and try to get her number) but in that moment, she reminded me of an SP I saw a couple times and it kinda felt pointless cause I've already experienced it ?! In retrospect I kinda objectified that girl and it feels like shit.

Sorry for the long post, I'm trying to make sense of these thoughts and feelings.

Maybe this has been asked before, but what is or was your experience like as a young hobbyist ?
Do you ever feel like it affects your dating life or relationships ?
Has your approach on dating or women changed since you started hobbying ?
Do you ever need to take a break from the hobby to build that aspect of your life ? or does it come naturally to you ?

I'm fortunate enough to afford to see one or two SPs per week, not every week but it's been kinda consistent for the past few years. Is that way too much ?

Hey Justin,

I personnaly started in my 20's as well (now I am 48). But never been really active except on a few occasions when I was single. I had stopped for about 15 years and started again 2-3 years ago only occasionally. Now I find myself more active.
I am not going to complain about my first experiences when I started, because it was pretty awesome. I was overseas, young and it was great sex. However, for me, hobbying doesn't beat the deep emotional connection you can have with a compatible sexual partner. I have met some amazing SP's who provided me with awesome moments. But, it never felt the same as civilian sex.

 

[JustIndude]

I'm not in the right age range for this question (only started seeing providers just over a year ago) and never saw anyone other than a gf during those years but I'm in this ballpark for sp spending, myself, so I'm not a great judge but I'm comfortable and it's within my budget so who cares?

Glad to know that someone else thinks that's reasonable spending. On the financial part, I'm good, but I'm just curious if there might be some unintended consequences on an emotional or psychological level at that rate of seeing different providers on weekly basis. Maybe I'm just overthinking it

 

[JustIndude]

Hey Justin,

I personnaly started in my 20's as well (now I am 48). But never been really active except on a few occasions when I was single. I had stopped for about 15 years and started again 2-3 years ago only occasionally. Now I find myself more active.
I am not going to complain about my first experiences when I started, because it was pretty awesome. I was overseas, young and it was great sex. However, for me, hobbying doesn't beat the deep emotional connection you can have with a compatible sexual partner. I have met some amazing SP's who provided me with awesome moments. But, it never felt the same as civilian sex.

Thank you for your response, I feel the same way. I appreciate hobbying, I've had so great experiences, but they are all fleeting. I wonder if hobbying is making me less likely to approach a potential sexual partner in my civilian life, is it still worth at that point ?

By the way, what made you stop for 15 years if you don't mind sharing ?

 

[Vardhan945]

I started in my late 20s for the exact same reason as you. dated the same girl from 19-26 with very little experience with other ladies.

I cant say ive had those types of reactions from SPs though...I would recommend seeing Indies, especially well reviewed ones on here although theres some gems amongst agency girls as well...
If you dont mind me asking do you look really young ?

Theres nothing wrong with you man. if anything the fact that you felt bad for "objectifying" the girl in that instance shows you have a stronger moral conscience than most IMHO

 

[mtlspacial]

Thank you for your response, I feel the same way. I appreciate hobbying, I've had so great experiences, but they are all fleeting. I wonder if hobbying is making me less likely to approach a potential sexual partner in my civilian life, is it still worth at that point ?

By the way, what made you stop for 15 years if you don't mind sharing ?

HI Justin. To be honest, I stopped because I had a partner. I only hobby when I don't have anyone to have sex with. Now, I have been with the same woman for close to 20 years. I started hobbying again as she completed lost her libido and her interest in sex. I became frustrated, but I didn't want to pressure her. We have kids and we prefer it's better for them we stay together. She told me multiple times I could start seeing other people. However, I didn't feel like getting a side chick. It wouldn't be fair and honest to another woman to play around while I'm still with someone. Unless I met the right partner who's exactly looking for that. The odds are pretty low.

Also, I don't like one night stands. I find sex more meaningful with someone I will have a great connection. Why would you settle for just one night?

Main reason why I'm back with SPs, in my 20's, I was spoiled rotten with 2 girlfriends who were both, orally obsessed, blowjob queens. I had a girlfriend that enjoyed it so much, she would thank me after giving me a blowjob. Literally like I was the one pleasing her. I also had another girlfriend, we finished CIMSW 100% every time we had sex. So, I was craving to have that experience again. I try not to wander around from SP to SP. Don't have the money anyway. I stick to independent. Don't like agencies. I found a few good ones who are amazing at what I'm looking for.

Now, to answer your other question. The answer might be more on your end. Yes, it's possible when you see SPs on a regular basis you will not see the need to approach civilian women. But, paying is easy. Seducing a woman is far more rewarding than paying in my opinion.

Cheers.

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

My experience is very similar to yours. I could have basically written your message, give or take a few details. The answer is going to be relatively technical (apologies in advance), but it is the language I speak the best and it is informed by my own experience as someone who started young like you and who studies the brain and psychology on a part-time basis. I invite you to follow-up in DM if you wish to continue the conversation.

There are indeed "some unintended consequences on an emotional or psychological level at that rate of seeing different providers on weekly basis." Seeing escorts at this rate provides repeated bursts of dopamine in the brain, which initially provides pleasure and motivation to keep you going. This is what you have been doing, seeing escorts on a weekly basis, which is indeed a lot. Over time, the brain adapts to these repeated spikes of dopamine to counter their stimulating effect. There are mechanisms in the brain to return a state of equilibrium, but it will be a new equilibrium. The result: you will feel less and less pleasure and motivation, and this will affect your desire to form genuine intimate relationships. This is what I am seeing when you say:

I'm slowly starting to realize that I'm having less and less emotional connections with civic women, and that need or urge is slowly fading away.

That is a powerful realization, and it must motivate a change of behaviour if you want to improve your life.

There is less evidence that the attachment system–needed to form a strong emotional bond with an intimate partner– is affected, but in my own experience it could be.

This part also caught my attention:

Just today, I was coming out of a great session with an SP downtown, I was kind low on energy

One should normally be energized after a great session. Were you low on energy because you had a long day at work, or did you feel "empty"? I will let you think about why this is an important distinction to make.

It's great that you spend time at the gym and with friends and family. Do your best to cultivate those relationships, and as much as possible try to form new ones through hobbies (not easy these days, I know). As for escorts, to reverse the pattern I described above, you need to cut down on the frequency. Start by cutting down to half: one every two weeks, and then aim at once a month, or less, while slowly and gradually exploring avenues to form non-transactional genuine real-life relationships.

One final word of advice: be ready to receive all sorts of contradictory advice here. You seem like an intelligent and self-aware person, so use your own judgement in weighing the different advice you are offered. Once again, I invite you to contact me in DM to continue the conversation, if you so wish.

 

[urquell]

I started in my 20's as well. My reasons were more straightforward. I liked sex and when I didn't have a partner I sought out alternate sources for it. I dated frequently so it was an off and on thing, as I didn't monger when I was attached to someone. Then I decided to try travel. That really opened my eyes up to things I never even began to consider here. I've been doing this for some time now and there are few surprises, but I will say that my views on everything have changed substantially since I was younger.

So here's a few things that I learned. Don't mistake seeing SPs for dating. It's not the same in any way, shape or form. You very likely will not have a healthy dating life if you continue to see SPs while you date and it can create barriers to your desire to form long term relationships. I never had this problem as I kept them separate, but I knew people in my same age group who did with negative consequences. Also, the SPs are almost certainly going to be both more experienced and have a greater depth of life experience with respect to people than you do. That makes it very easy for them to manipulate malleable or less experienced men. Their expertise is in being desirable and making men feel comfortable and desired. You need to be very aware of this and to closely examine any feelings you have for them and feelings you think they have for you. At some point every single monger I know, myself included, has to some degree become infatuated with a girl who does not share that infatuation. You should always remember that while you can develop good personal relationships with the ladies that in most cases it's either only business or at least business first. There are exceptions but if you start off by assuming this is always the case you'll be right the vast majority of the time. If you look at it like dealing with a professional bartender or retail sales person you wouldn't be far off the mark. There is a lot of masking behaviour. If I'm harping on this overlong it's because it's extremely important in order to avoid emotional disappointments.

Also, don't get too fixated on specific people or types of people. Once you get around a bit you'll discover that many preconceptions are wrong and that locking yourself into a single "type" will strangle the depth of your experience. Experiment with types of looks, ages, ethnicities etc etc. Also, and I can't stress this enough, don't treat your girlfriend like an SP. SPs by their late 20's have seen pretty much everything and are comfortable with pretty much everything within their scope of restrictions. The girls you date are not going to have anywhere near the same experience and may be completely freaked out by you simply springing something on them that they consider out of bounds or that they need to build up to. With a frank conversation you could initiate that in 5 minutes with an SP (who you also absolutely consult with beforehand and not initiate surprises.lol). A gentler entry into many things may be required with your GF. You may get to the same place anyway, but try not to frighten the poor girl to death! lol.

 

[Gazoo64]

I started hobbying later in life, so I didn’t have experience as a young hobbyist.

I’ll give my opinion anyway, but you can take it or leave it.
This is my advice, but I’m no expert.

At your age, if your plan is to eventually get into a relationship again, I would stop hobbying and focus on dating. If you just keep hobbying, it will become more and more difficult to get into a real life a relationship (IMO).

Hobbying is easy if you just want sex: a couple of texts, show up with an envelope, be polite, good hygiene, and you can see nice ladies and have great sex, but it doesn’t replace the real life relationship.

But it’s up to you, depending what your priorities are. Do you just want to say single and you don’t want a relationship, or do you eventually want to get into a relationship again?

These are just my thoughts, but you can take it or leave it.
Good luck!

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

I really wish I had your advice @urquell when I was young. On a rational level it 100% makes sense. On an emotional/visceral level, though, when one is young and less experienced with relationships, it doesn't always register. Reason vs. passions: the essential human problem.

 

[CydoniaNights]

i started in my 20s as well, still to this day i get comments that i’m young from sps. I started early cause i was super shy and introverted and didnt know how to get girls. I’ve had gfs since but had alot of dry spells and see escorts to break those dry spells.

I’ve never been wealthy so i see escorts only on occasion.

Sps never really judged me for being young, more just surprised or curious.

 

[DetectiveBOOBS]

When I was in college, I accidentally walked in a not so legit Asian massage parlour. I got a petite hot Asian milf in her 40s. I was fighting for my life to get rid of my erection and right when she started the fun stuff on me, I ran out of there . After a few weeks of mental gymnastics with myself, I came back to see her.

After graduating, I moved to a different city, got a few gf here and there and in some instance I had thought of her but only came back to the hobby right before the pandemic.

The biggest thing that affected me was craving for variety. I don’t think I can commit to one partner anymore and I feel guilty and ashamed to admit to a potential partner so I rather stay single and see professionals.

I mostly had good experiences, had a few ordinary ones here and there but nothing disastrous. I am clearly aware of the fact I am seeing professionals and they are nice to me because I paid them but still very grateful after each good encounters. It must not be easy for them to be all smiles facing an old fart like me. Sometime I wonder what they really think of me, but brush off those thought quickly. I’m very well aware I look nothing like Brad Pitt and probably boring, but still try my best to be a good customer. I don’t think much of them after my appointment and go on with my day.

My only advice to a young lad like yourself is to seperate the professionals to civies. Professionals are like instant gratification, you don’t need to try hard to impress them and almost garantied to have a good time as long you are clean, respectful and have some common sense. A civie on the other hand, you will have to try much harder to have a real relationship but they are much more meaningful too.

 

[JustIndude]

Thank you for the technical point of view, I appreciate it. I've always had a keen interest in the brain's biology, it's making a lot sense.

There are indeed "some unintended consequences on an emotional or psychological level at that rate of seeing different providers on weekly basis." Seeing escorts at this rate provides repeated bursts of dopamine in the brain, which initially provides pleasure and motivation to keep you going. This is what you have been doing, seeing escorts on a weekly basis, which is indeed a lot. Over time, the brain adapts to these repeated spikes of dopamine to counter their stimulating effect. There are mechanisms in the brain to return a state of equilibrium, but it will be a new equilibrium. The result: you will feel less and less pleasure and motivation, and this will affect your desire to form genuine intimate relationships.

In this particular case, I had a busy morning at work and I hadn't had any solid meal. But I get what you mean, I've had some cases where I kinda felt ''empty'' after a session, either feeling a little guilty or feeling like my emotional needs weren't met - which is absurd cause when I meet an SP, in my head I know it's purely physical and yet I expect to feel a little more fulfilled from the session

One should normally be energized after a great session. Were you low on energy because you had a long day at work, or did you feel "empty"? I will let you think about why this is an important distinction to make.

After some self-reflection and reading other replies from other members' experiences, I think this is the best course of action in my current situation.

It's great that you spend time at the gym and with friends and family. Do your best to cultivate those relationships, and as much as possible try to form new ones through hobbies (not easy these days, I know). As for escorts, to reverse the pattern I described above, you need to cut down on the frequency. Start by cutting down to half: one every two weeks, and then aim at once a month, or less, while slowly and gradually exploring avenues to form non-transactional genuine real-life relationships.

Thanks again @AnthonyAnderson , I appreciate your input and help !

 

[JustIndude]

I started in my 20's as well. My reasons were more straightforward. I liked sex and when I didn't have a partner I sought out alternate sources for it. I dated frequently so it was an off and on thing, as I didn't monger when I was attached to someone. Then I decided to try travel. That really opened my eyes up to things I never even began to consider here. I've been doing this for some time now and there are few surprises, but I will say that my views on everything have changed substantially since I was younger.

So here's a few things that I learned. Don't mistake seeing SPs for dating. It's not the same in any way, shape or form. You very likely will not have a healthy dating life if you continue to see SPs while you date and it can create barriers to your desire to form long term relationships. I never had this problem as I kept them separate, but I knew people in my same age group who did with negative consequences. Also, the SPs are almost certainly going to be both more experienced and have a greater depth of life experience with respect to people than you do. That makes it very easy for them to manipulate malleable or less experienced men. Their expertise is in being desirable and making men feel comfortable and desired. You need to be very aware of this and to closely examine any feelings you have for them and feelings you think they have for you. At some point every single monger I know, myself included, has to some degree become infatuated with a girl who does not share that infatuation. You should always remember that while you can develop good personal relationships with the ladies that in most cases it's either only business or at least business first. There are exceptions but if you start off by assuming this is always the case you'll be right the vast majority of the time. If you look at it like dealing with a professional bartender or retail sales person you wouldn't be far off the mark. There is a lot of masking behaviour. If I'm harping on this overlong it's because it's extremely important in order to avoid emotional disappointments.

Also, don't get too fixated on specific people or types of people. Once you get around a bit you'll discover that many preconceptions are wrong and that locking yourself into a single "type" will strangle the depth of your experience. Experiment with types of looks, ages, ethnicities etc etc. Also, and I can't stress this enough, don't treat your girlfriend like an SP. SPs by their late 20's have seen pretty much everything and are comfortable with pretty much everything within their scope of restrictions. The girls you date are not going to have anywhere near the same experience and may be completely freaked out by you simply springing something on them that they consider out of bounds or that they need to build up to. With a frank conversation you could initiate that in 5 minutes with an SP (who you also absolutely consult with beforehand and not initiate surprises.lol). A gentler entry into many things may be required with your GF. You may get to the same place anyway, but try not to frighten the poor girl to death! lol.

I appreciate the pearls of wisdom, thank you @urquell . I needed it !

 

[JustIndude]

If you dont mind me asking do you look really young ?

Theres nothing wrong with you man. if anything the fact that you felt bad for "objectifying" the girl in that instance shows you have a stronger moral conscience than most IMHO

Yeah, I fairly look young for my age. Thank you for the kind your words, I appreciate it

 

[JustIndude]

At your age, if your plan is to eventually get into a relationship again, I would stop hobbying and focus on dating. If you just keep hobbying, it will become more and more difficult to get into a real life a relationship (IMO).

Hobbying is easy if you just want sex: a couple of texts, show up with an envelope, be polite, good hygiene, and you can see nice ladies and have great sex, but it doesn’t replace the real life relationship.

My only advice to a young lad like yourself is to seperate the professionals to civies. Professionals are like instant gratification, you don’t need to try hard to impress them and almost garantied to have a good time as long you are clean, respectful and have some common sense. A civie on the other hand, you will have to try much harder to have a real relationship but they are much more meaningful too.

Now, to answer your other question. The answer might be more on your end. Yes, it's possible when you see SPs on a regular basis you will not see the need to approach civilian women. But, paying is easy. Seducing a woman is far more rewarding than paying in my opinion.

Thank you guys, your advice pretty much summarized my general plan on how to move ahead. Deep down I kinda knew, but your words gave me so much clarity. I appreciate it !

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

Thanks again @AnthonyAnderson , I appreciate your input and help !

You're welcome!