I hear what you’re saying and agree with some points you bring up.
The same concept applies here on MERB - granted, it's for services and not dating, but the dynamic is still comparable. Some people push boundaries and act like assholes, sure - but at least there are moderators here to keep things in check. In those women-only groups, there’s no moderation at all, which allows hate toward men (and oftentimes other women too) to spread unchecked and even be encouraged under the guise of "safety" or "support."
The damn app was designed by a man. Why are you assuming there was no moderation? Were you using it? I have been trying to see if I could find information on this app being misandrious.
This sounds like you are trying to villainize women for trying to protect themselves, and assuming the worst of something designed to help women who are hopeful to find an aid in safer dating expierience. They are trying to date men, not hate on them. They obviously aren't there just to talk shit, just reduce their risk of being catfishes or meeting someone they might want to avoid. If you read about the app, there is also a positive spin, where men are also greenlighted for dating, because not everyone is compatible. It sounds like an app designed for adult, big-girls to use, not petty mean girls.
What you're going on about has been the expected assumption that the very people who have something to hide, will be called out in a place they don't have access to hide their bad behavior.
Yes I agree it can be used for misandry. But everything I have read points to that not being the case. And from the sounds of it, receipts and proof of behavior seems to be a thing. There is mention of them when reading about the app.
Women have the right to protect themselves and screen potential dates to avoid becoming a victim. I have seen first hand irl how someone reporting abusive situations and that information being available has saved other women from remaining in relationships with the person, by having their manipulative behavior called out in a public way. This is a way that protects the origional victim from backlash letting others know to not believe the charismatic stories of the abusive manipulator. (Not my story, but someone so very close, that i have seen and was worried about the trajectory of the relationship long before it landed where it did. But a woman already in love has blinders.)
There are enough people in these communities, that if someone is causing drama for dramas sake, they would likely be corrected, to protect the integrity of the app.
When a platform is designed solely for women to anonymously call out, criticize, and trade stories about men - often lacking context, proof, or any chance for the man to defend himself (or herself) - that’s not “safety” … that’s just digital vigilantism masquerading as female empowerment.
Again all this is words from those who don't want to be called out, so they can continue to victimize others. Information sharing is their worst nightmare. And this information also needs to be accessible by people trying to avoid falling in love, or into a relationships with people who have a history of bad behavior.
You can’t equate a site like MERB (which contains both praise and critique, with consequences for false reports) to a space where there’s little to no accountability for potentially defamatory content. It's not a fair comparison - one operates in an ecosystem where verification, transparency, and reputational balance exist. The other? Operates on emotional catharsis, often at the expense of nuance or fairness.
Claiming “not all men” while repeatedly centering only negative male experiences reinforces a narrative that might not explicitly say all men are bad, but it sure makes the subtext loud.
If you read about it, they also have greenlighting as well. Their goal isn't to annex men, but make dating a stranger a little less dangerous.
The road to ideological extremism often starts with “just a safe space to vent.” The line between venting and vilifying isn’t as thick as people like to pretend. Especially when validation comes in the form of group agreement, not balanced insight.
Misogyny and misandry are two sides of the same poisoned coin. Excusing one because it comes from a place of hurt doesn’t make it less toxic - just more socially accepted.
Both are results of hurt and not understanding someone else's perspective.
There would also be a description of what the issue is. ▪︎ If she was date-r*ped, others would know not to dare trust this guy. ▪︎ If she was just upset that they went dutch, and that he didn't pay for the date, well the girl who doesn't mind paying her own way can decide that red flag is not one she agrees with. Doesn't mean he is being unfairly characterized. Just means an informed decision on is this someone you want to meet.
Equality isn’t just about removing roles - it’s also about taking accountability for the way we talk about each other. Safe space or not, when a tool starts leaning into public shaming, generalized suspicion, or crowd-fueled moral superiority - it stops being about safety and starts being about control.
I would like to know where you read this is what was happening on the app. What i have been reading was reddit misogyny trying not to be called out, and assuming what could have been if it was misused.
Not to mention how constantly staying on high alert in situations like this can cause intense anxiety, emotional burnout, and even lead to hypervigilance - where you’re always anticipating the worst. Over time, this mindset wires your brain to see danger everywhere, even when it’s not there.
When you surround yourself with spaces that reinforce fear, bitterness, or generalized blame, you end up repeating the same emotional cycle: hurt, mistrust, vent, spiral and back again. It creates a mental echo chamber that keeps you stuck, not safe. Healing doesn't come from rehearsing your trauma on loop - it comes from breaking that loop / cycle.
Safty is also being informed of what is happening from someone else's trauma so you don't suffer the same fate. Less damaged women from having avoided becoming a victim is even more empowering.
You are ready to remove security measures so the innocent who haven't become victims yet, can't avoid becomeing one from knowledge that could be beneficial. My guess, not every man is being called out. Good ones have nothing to be called out for.
I see no reason why it is such an issue. Do I believe a non gendered version would be better. Yes probably, I know women who can be just as toxic to their partners aswell as men. Do I think it unfair that those women could cause even more trouble for their victim men, absolutely.
I don't disagree that an unmoderated crowdsorce could lead to misandry, but aren't we just assuming they aren't moderated? Every report I come across is a 3rd party spewing the same story over and over.
Ideally we would live in a world where women could feel safe, and not feel they needed tools such as this to avoid trouble. It does flag that there is an issue happening in our society, that we feel the need to take such measures. But the very fact that victim blaming is a thing, and women are told their safty is in their own hands, and when something like this comes up, they are accused of doing something wrong for trying to make their dating expierience something they feel safer doing.
And yes there is an issue with what kind of stalking ability or misuse this information might provide to someone. Men can be victims too.
But everything I have read about this app and misandry is speculative, and not actually reported as fact.
