Can a woman and a man be friends?

[LeDodo]

In my personal life, there were ladies, who wanted to be more than just friends with me, I rejected. Then they wouldn't interact much with me afterwards.

Does it mean that a man and a woman can't be friends?

I would assume that in order to be more than just friends we have to be friends first.

So if she cut or decrease ties afterwards does it mean she had a "goal" and was "friendly" to reach it?

 

[Giselle Montreal]

I would assume that in order to be more than just friends we have to be friends first.

I think it's the opposite. Your lover can be (or become) your friend, but you don't have to be friends first. Once a couple split up, some stay friends but certainly not the majority. I would say that (especially as we get older) most people don't want to be friends with everyone who passes in their life. We can only divide our attention and energy to so many people at a time, so I believe it's normal to cut ties with those you have a withered relationship with.

There's another situation, when we are friends to begin with and... stay friends. My best friend is a man. We never slept together, we were never lovers, and he and I don't have the need or desire to do so. Yes, men and women can be friends.

 

[DetectiveDavidMills]

 

[DetectiveDavidMills]

 

[EagerBeaver]

I believe it's extremely important for a man to have women among his social circle of friends, and he should, unless he has a social disability. You cannot look at every woman as a potential sexual conquest, or, if the situation is reversed, be unable to connect with the woman who wants a relationship on some platonic level. In all the arrangements I have had, as well, it was important that a friendship be established before it advanced to anything beyond that. It is then very easy to remain friends.

Many years ago, I had a close (platonic) single female friend who would invite me and other single male and female friends- usually 8 at a time, 4 men and 4 women- to a rental property she owned in Mass., in a resort town on Cape Cod. She one time warned me that one of the female friends she had invited was in a relationship, and she did not believe in friendship or platonic, friendly banter with any man she was not in a relationship with. Just did not believe in it.

Our female host issued this warning to me and a friend who joined me, lest we think her friend was rude. Well, the warning was appreciated, because despite the fact that we did things as a group all week- boating trip, dinners, etc.- this friend of hers did not talk to me at all, not one word, nothing. When my female friend host explained it to me, she said, "she does not get that men are people too." I have carried that prophetic statement forward in my life, because "women are people, too."

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

A question that never gets old...

For once, I do not have "une réponse toute faite" straight out of a psychology textbook.

To simplify things, if I really had to say yes or no, I would say no.

Purely from my (limited) personal experience, if I look at my workplace, I can think of two pairs of male/female friends who have coffee and discussions regularly together. In both cases the man is gay.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Considering that this is about heterosexual people, yes, men and women can absolutely be friends. Not only that, but I think it's important to have friends of the opposite gender, because you can have a dialogue. I particularly think men should make an effort to have platonic relationships with women.

All my life I've had friends who were men. For the most part, these friendships remained platonic. I had a FWB once in my entire life and that's it. What happens sometimes is that some people cannot see an attractive person of the gender they're attracted to without sexualizing them, and in my opinion that is a problem and can ruin a friendship... But that's not the case with everyone.

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

In my personal life, there were ladies, who wanted to be more than just friends with me, I rejected. Then they wouldn't interact much with me afterwards.

The same happened to me, twice. I was actually expecting the outcome that you describe. It's best to have a clean break. I hope that you were extremely delicate in your rejection.

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

Does it mean that a man and a woman can't be friends?

Ask ChatGPT. (Not a joke).

Here's the short version:

Yes — men and women can be “just friends,” but it’s most stable when both people honestly share expectations, manage attraction, and keep clear boundaries (emotional, physical, and social).

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I think that for some people, it's extremely difficult to stay friends with a person who rejected them romantically.. and I understand why this is sad. I have lost people in my life because we dated and it didn't work out.. This is a huge generalization but I've noticed differences in how women handle rejection, as opposed to men, based on upbringing. Women seem to remove themselves and feel down on themselves, while men tend to keep pursuing the object of their affection even if they got rejected.

I think this is a little bit off topic when it comes to the initial question, tho.

It seems a little odd to me to assume that everyone of the opposite gender you meet will be attracted to you, or you to them. Maybe I'm outside the norm, but I tend to develop a crush on someone not only if I sense we are compatible and I find the person attractive, but also if I get signals that the other person is also interested.

 

[Giselle Montreal]

It seems a little odd to me to assume that everyone of the opposite gender you meet will be attracted to you, or you to them.

Indeed!

Maybe I'm outside the norm, but I tend to develop a crush on someone not only if I sense we are compatible and I find the person attractive, but also if I get signals that the other person is also interested.

Me too. Not out of the norm I believe.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Indeed!


Me too. Not out of the norm I believe.

It seems like that would be the norm as this is how you develop a real romantic connection with someone.. not just a superficial attraction