Am I changing or is the industry changing?

[Valentina Amante]

Sometimes clients want the booking to be purely sexual, sometimes they want connection and companionship. I think people are realizing that sex workers are human beings with personalities and interests etc.

I think a lot of women in this industry need to be more cautious when screening and stop choosing clients based solely on how much money they wil make. Too many end up crossing their own boundaries just for the payout - seeing clients they don’t even like, entertaining them for years when they should’ve cut ties early on. That’s when the job starts feeling draining, and they grow resentful of the work they’re advertising - probably advertising for more social requests.

Personally, I never go into a session assuming a man doesn’t see me as a human being with a personality. But I get it - many women carry personal trauma that makes them wary, yet they’re in an industry where risk is built in.

This is a high-risk job—but the good news is, most men aren’t total assholes who think that way.

And that’s why some women shouldn’t even be in the industry. Many overlooked girls because of this arm candy stuff.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I’m not talking about high-end escorts - I mean anyone in this industry that advertises for that type of experience. This industry is already flooded with girls who think they can do this job but really can’t. The ones who lie about the services they offer, only to end up talking the whole time or wasting it on some social vibe. This isn’t a hangout. That’s what

One thing for sure hasn’t changed and that is: people want sex, and they’re going to look for it. However, these days, from a client’s perspective, it feels a lot more complex. Take LL for example which is the sameish concept as BP - now that’s real fast food - but it’s what people look for. Unfortunately it’s riddled with scammers so they resort to other websites or social media.

Say you’re a potential client who just wants strictly intimacy: If you’re picky and have a specific type, your chances are even slimmer to find the girl you’d like to book. You have to go through each girl’s restrictions, bios, booking processes, all of that. Add in this “new era” of escorting and you’re kind of underwhelmed with the whole process it takes - lots of girls want a minimum of 2H for the first time clients. Like how and why has this gotten so complicated? It shouldn’t be. The clients aren’t new here. It’s the girls. So it’s the girls changing this industry. Not the average Joe who is here because he’s thinking with his dick (like most guys do. Men are simple creatures of habit - they’re not gonna waste their time with this complicated stuff now)

I am also not saying that men don’t look for the dinner dates or social time either.
I’ve done the social stuff as well and it is actually very draining as you say. I’d rather be booked for 1H+ and chill naked instead of having underboob sweat in a musky speakeasy after defying Montreal traffic.

In a client’s POV, the whole point of Backpage was simplicity. I’m not on MERB, LL, or Tryst to find someone to take to the movies or play putt-putt. I’m there to pay for sex. Period. There’s other sites that are more of an “arrangement” type of meet that could be more suitable for the ladies that don’t wanna offer strictly intimacy.

I think there are girls who have a minimum of 2h and super high rates because they have another job and they are very low volume.. I couldn't do that because I would lose so much of my clientele and this is my main source of income. I don't blame these girls for anything personally. Guys can book whoever they want. It's cool if you like prefer certain types of bookings, and if others like some over others.

Obviously guys are looking to pay for sex, but a lot of them want companionship and connection on top of it. I have gotten purely social bookings before with guys who found me on these platforms.. I don't think I'm hurting or scamming anyone. We all have a different type of clientele and it's fine.

In my opinion the real culprit for why ppl are so frustrated is how bad the economy is and how advertising platforms are handling things..

 

[Rosie Sparkles]

My business has changed from more ''play'' oriented sessions (PSE, kinks, roleplays) to more intimacy oriented. I feel like after COVID people have felt so lonely they are looking for a service more human, ofc sex is awesome (!!) but my clients are more looking for a real connection, in-depth discussions and cuddles. I feel like my job could be rename romance worker rather than sex worker. Sex is now a more little percentage of what I offer. I really enjoy it.

But I do know I am quite privileged to have this experience in the industry. I did however saw a huge change before and after COVID. It wasnt like that before.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I think a lot of women in this industry need to be more cautious when screening and stop choosing clients based solely on how much money they wil make. Too many end up crossing their own boundaries just for the payout - seeing clients they don’t even like, entertaining them for years when they should’ve cut ties early on. That’s when the job starts feeling draining, and they grow resentful of the work they’re advertising - probably advertising for more social requests.

Personally, I never go into a session assuming a man doesn’t see me as a human being with a personality. But I get it - many women carry personal trauma that makes them wary, yet they’re in an industry where risk is built in.

This is a high-risk job—but the good news is, most men aren’t total assholes who think that way.

And that’s why some women shouldn’t even be in the industry. Many overlooked girls because of this arm candy stuff.

I think it's complicated. Obviously I think a lot of girls don't know what they're getting into when they join the industry and they basically think they will be paid just to be taken on lavish vacations and to fancy restaurant.. Particularly very young girls looking for sugar daddies who don't understand there's sex involved. I'm not one to judge how other women are doing their work.. This is customer service. Obviously, if I get the vibe a client doesn't see me as a human being, I'm not going to see him either. But the fact is, no matter what field you're in.. If you're offering a service, you will have clients you like and clients you like less.

I don't think people who advertise for social requests are resentful, they're just trying to get different opportunities and offering different services. I like most of my clients personally but I feel very lucky to be in that position.. Also it's not because clients book social dates that they are nicer. Some clients pay for 2-3h incall gfe and we have the best time together with a lot of conversations and laughter (and of course sexy time)

My business has changed from more ''play'' oriented sessions (PSE, kinks, roleplays) to more intimacy oriented. I feel like after COVID people have felt so lonely they are looking for a service more human, ofc sex is awesome (!!) but my clients are more looking for a real connection, in-depth discussions and cuddles. I feel like my job could be rename romance worker rather than sex worker. Sex is now a more little percentage of what I offer. I really enjoy it.

But I do know I am quite privileged to have this experience in the industry. I did however saw a huge change before and after COVID. It wasnt like that before.

That's how I feel about it too. And I'm not saying I don't spend time having sex with my clients because I do lol. I'm not ''avoiding work'' because I'm offering that connection and romantic aspect during bookings. I get all kinds of sessions, some are purely sexual, but I'd say a lot of the clients who book me really want conversations and intimacy.. They come back because of that, it works for them. I've had a lot of clients tell me that they didn't like when a SP put on a show and acted hyper sexual, they prefered to ease into it and feel like they are with a sweet fwb or girlfriend.

 

[Valentina Amante]

Obviously guys are looking to pay for sex, but a lot of them want companionship and connection on top of it. I have gotten purely social bookings before with guys who found me on these platforms.. I don't think I'm hurting or scamming anyone. We all have a different type of clientele and it's fine.

Of course! I’m not suggesting you’re scamming anyone. I actually think you’re really clear and considerate in your bio and with what you offer - however, you do offer intimacy - which is the fundamentals of why this site exists.

There are different types of companionship men look for, but the majority are seeking intimacy. So when every girl starts advertising on platforms like this saying she’d rather not be intimate ?? it kind of defeats the purpose. Honestly, those providers should consider creating their own space.

It’s like going to Canadian Tire expecting to buy tires, only to find out they only sell other car parts. It makes no sense - It’s confusing for the customer and clogs up the space for those who are actually here for what the platform is mostly used for. In the end it becomes false advertising.

Clients looking for a more social or platonic vibe can still find that here - but that’s THEIR personal choice they will request to a SP. It shouldn’t be something that EVERYONE has to wade through to find the kind of experience they’re actually looking for when this site is built for X purpose in the first place.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Of course! I’m not suggesting you’re scamming anyone. I actually think you’re really clear and considerate in your bio and with what you offer - however, you do offer intimacy - which is the fundamentals of why this site exists.

There are different types of companionship men look for, but the majority are seeking intimacy. So when every girl starts advertising on platforms like this saying she’d rather not be intimate ?? it kind of defeats the purpose. Honestly, those providers should consider creating their own space.

It’s like going to Canadian Tire expecting to buy tires, only to find out they only sell other car parts. It makes no sense - It’s confusing for the customer and clogs up the space for those who are actually here for what the platform is mostly used for. In the end it becomes false advertising.

Clients looking for a more social or platonic vibe can still find that here - but that’s THEIR personal choice they will request to a SP. It shouldn’t be something that EVERYONE has to wade through to find the kind of experience they’re actually looking for when this site is built for X purpose in the first place.

Where are girls saying they'd rather not be intimate in their bios? I haven't seen that yet.. Do you mean girls who advertise on platforms meant for us, but who only have an OF account? I agree these girls should not be taking our space and it's annoying that clients have to browse through a ton of profiles like this. I think however within this industry we're all allowed to have our own personal boundaries. For instance I don't do greek etc, you don't do certain things either. There are things I'd rather not do as well, but that I do to keep the customers happy. I don't really see advertising social dates as a way to avoid intimacy personally, it's true that during longer bookings the amount of sexual activity tends to be the same as in a shorter one, but it's still work.. Escorts advertising this type of services have always existed.

But I think that what you said earlier about girls joining this industry in a very naive way, is true. I think that's because a lot of people lie to these girls and tell them they will be able to have rich sugar daddies they don't have to do anything with. For me it was the other way around, at first I didn't think I was allowed to have boundaries (other than of course protected services). I attracted the wrong type of clients, I took a break and reassessed. I keep reassessing my boundaries all the time because it's important for me not to burn out... But this requires a lot of time and energy spent online, on social media, taking selfies, communicating with clients etc.. It's not easy for anyone in this industry as you know.

I think sometimes it's certain clients who become jaded after seeing too many providers, the experience isn't the same as it used to be.. Really often when clients who don't see providers often book me, they seem so happy and satisfied and grateful.

 

[CLOUD 500]

I think there are girls who have a minimum of 2h and super high rates because they have another job and they are very low volume.. I couldn't do that because I would lose so much of my clientele and this is my main source of income. I don't blame these girls for anything personally. Guys can book whoever they want. It's cool if you like prefer certain types of bookings, and if others like some over others.

I like 2hr dates but not for a first time because you never know if it will be good or not. A one hour appointment is good for the first time, sometimes you are not always a match. Obviously if it was very good my next appointment with her would be for at least 1.5hr.

 

[Valentina Amante]

Where are girls saying they'd rather not be intimate in their bios? I haven't seen that yet.. Do you mean girls who advertise on platforms meant for us, but who only have an OF account? I agree these girls should not be taking our space and it's annoying that clients have to browse through a ton of profiles like this.

I mean girls that are hinting at how they prefer social dates and insinuate experiences that are not based off intimacy. This site is primarily used for clients to seek intimacy. The rest is up to them if they want social experiences. The client is the one seeking intimacy - so what are the girls who don’t necessarily want intimacy doing here? Arm candy shit needs to stop. These girls need their own site. Not here.

I think however within this industry we're all allowed to have our own personal boundaries. For instance I don't do greek etc, you don't do certain things either.

I actually highlighted to make sure not to cross your own boundaries as many girls in this industry do solely for money. Most girls have restrictions.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I like 2hr dates but not for a first time because you never know if it will be good or not. A one hour appointment is good for the first time, sometimes you are not always a match. Obviously if it was very good my next appointment with her would be for at least 1.5hr.

I think the providers who have a 2h minimum or a very high hourly rate with a cheaper rate for a longer period of time are trying to attract a different type of clients, they want to be booked for more hours. I can understand how this would be advantageous in a way. This week since monday I've had one hour long booking EACH day, I have another today and another tomorrow. I'm glad I'm getting business and I met some fine gentlemen But I feel less drained going to my incall for a 2-3h booking than for a hour or less. Does that make any sense?

I'm totally fine with hour long bookings, they usually fly by and often these clients come back. I'm not taking them away anytime soon. But suppose I have 3 very long bookings in a week. That means I have 4 days off and a lot of time to relax and recuperate. I usually arrive at my incall 45 min to an hour before a booking if it's possible, in order to feel comfortable and get everything ready, and I usually leave 30 minutes later after showering and cleaning. Going to the incall takes 45 mins. So including the booking itself, everything in total was 3 hours of my day. Sometimes I have to carry my work clothes and makeup around all day because I have other things to do. I'm not saying that to complain, more to explain why some ppl may prefer to have a 90 min or 2h minimum

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I mean girls that are hinting at how they prefer social dates and insinuate experiences that are not based off intimacy. This site is primarily used for clients to seek intimacy. The rest is up to them if they want social experiences. The client is the one seeking intimacy - so what are the girls who don’t necessarily want intimacy doing here? Arm candy shit needs to stop. These girls need their own site. Not here.


I actually highlighted to make sure not to cross your own boundaries as many girls in this industry do solely for money. Most girl have restrictions.

Do you mean on twitter and on other sites like this, or on Merb specifically?
And yes, I was just agreeing with you, it's not good to cross your own boundaries.

I think some people are trying to curate a different type of experience they want with clients, I think maybe some prefer experiences that put more emphasis on the social aspect and the connection rather than not wanting intimacy at all.. I know I prefer dates that are longer and involving more discussions and connection, and usually clients who book me for these are guys I get along with very well. If clients are angry about SP's who advertise that way, they can just move on to the next provider..

There are things that high end providers push that I would personally not be interested in, like FMTY and travelling with clients, etc. If it works for them good for them tho.. Some clients are into a certain ''life style'' and some providers are as well. It's not because they aren't posting graphic photos and sexual quotes that they're not actually having sex with their clients. It's just a different type of branding. I'm not a high class escort but I don't like being too lewd in my branding and how I post because I want to attract a specific type of client that this may intimidate, and it just doesn't feel natural to me. I also think that for many of us, having certain experiences like going to good restaurants, being taken on vacation, going to the spa, being taken shopping etc by wealthy and generous clients are some of the very few occasions for us that we will ever get to have access to these things. I don't think it's bad to ask.

I think what you're pointing out is that we're seeing all kinds of providers with completely different types of services and offers advertising in the same places.. It doesn't bother me personally because it allows me to reach different types of clientele. But I can see how for clients it's a lot to sift through..

 

[Rosie Sparkles]

Hey so the beauty of it all is that everybody will run their business as they please. What about we don't bitch about other providers? Live and let live.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Hey so the beauty of it all is that everybody will run their business as they please. What about we don't bitch about other providers? Live and let live.

Yeah I agree..

What I have to blame: laws related to sex work, the economy, misconceptions and prejudices in society.. etc

 

[mauricevachon]

What is your theory on why there are less new recruits?

Hard to put a finger on it.
But there is definitely something going on.
Guesses?

1. Women 18-30 were already having far less sex than previous generations.
Covid made things worse.
This likely affects comfort levels with escorting.

2. Hobbying has been hit hard by a weakening economy.
People just don't have the cash.
Means agencies have less bookings to offer new recruits.

3. Agency politics makes it hard to recruit new girls.
Like you said many SPs, are not getting the bookings they used to, and blame the fact that there are "too many girls" in the hobby.
Hiring new girls creates tension with existing staff, because new girls (particularly those 18-21) are in extremely high demand.

4. It also appears that Gen Z may not have particularly good work habits.
Bookers report many cancel, don't show up, etc....
Makes hiring them hard.

 

[Julia Sky]

Yup. Since it’s not like before - guys don’t even wanna hobby anymore because women advertise themselves as more of an arm candy, prefer social dates and don’t wanna do “the work” lmao. There should be a different section for women like this because guys get turned off (just like the GFE argument about how it’s not GFE anymore) and give up the hobby. No time to sift through who wants to actually work as a sex worker - very time consuming. Women like this shouldn’t advertise being sex workers IMO. It fucks up the business for actual working girls that don’t wanna do social dates or picnics etc.

Except those of us who go on extended dates also have shorter bookings. I've had several dinner dates the last few months and a chalet weekend escape more recently. All of those bookings involved sex at some point and I also had many many shorter appointments where there was no social activity. I think you don't get to gatekeep who is an "actual working girl".

 

[Julia Sky]

Agreed.


Luna: Many of us have been on this board since before you were born!

Wasn't merb created in like 2003 or 2004? I don't think Luna is claiming to be under 25 years old? Lol

 

[Valentina Amante]

Except those of us who go on extended dates also have shorter bookings. I've had several dinner dates the last few months and a chalet weekend escape more recently. All of those bookings involved sex at some point and I also had many many shorter appointments where there was no social activity. I think you don't get to gatekeep who is an "actual working girl".

Yes that’s not new, Julia

As I’ve mentioned in post #25

“Clients looking for a more social or platonic vibe can still find that here - but that’s THEIR personal choice they will request to a SP. It shouldn’t be something that EVERYONE has to wade through to find the kind of experience they’re actually looking for when this site is built for X purpose in the first place”.

Please read before saying stupidities like I’m gatekeeping “actual working girls”. Every girl is entitled to work how they want but they shouldn’t be surprised if they enter the sex industry and advertise on these sites that they are indeed used to book women for sex. It’s not rocket science. These arm candy girls that false advertise and end up talking the whole session make men not wanna hobby anymore.

The economy is bad sure but there are outside factors contributing to this issue as well such as girls that do this.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Hard to put a finger on it.
But there is definitely something going on.
Guesses?

1. Women 18-30 were already having far less sex than previous generations.
Covid made things worse.
This likely affects comfort levels with escorting.

2. Hobbying has been hit hard by a weakening economy.
People just don't have the cash.
Means agencies have less bookings to offer new recruits.

3. Agency politics makes it hard to recruit new girls.
Like you said many SPs, are not getting the bookings they used to, and blame the fact that there are "too many girls" in the hobby.
Hiring new girls creates tension with existing staff, because new girls (particularly those 18-21) are in extremely high demand.

4. It also appears that Gen Z may not have particularly good work habits.
Bookers report many cancel, don't show up, etc....
Makes hiring them hard.

You're talking about agencies which is one side of the industry but not everything. I've never worked for one and I don't know anyone who has recently. I think 2 and 3 are possible, but honestly I don't think women having less sex has anything to do with them joining the industry or not.. However, I've seen a return of conservative values on social media, like the ''trad wife'' and christian influencers who recommend that girls are modest and feminine. Maybe for younger girls it's not ''cool to be a slut'' like it was 10-15 years ago when pop culture was a bit more raunchy. However, I didn't join this industry because I'm promiscuous sexually, personally..

As for Gen Z not having a good work ethic, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion so fast.. I think people 40 and under, particularly people under 25-30, are dealing with a complex gig economy and constant crisis. I know people who have 3 jobs and really overwork themselves.. I also think that there is a certain branch of internet & pop culture that used to glamorize sex work, and 18 to 25 year olds may have been tempted to join the industry without really understanding what they were getting into. I was I think 27 or 28 when I started and had a few friends who had done sex work, so I was prepared to an extent.. But if you are a 18-21 year old joining the industry nobody tells you anything. I also think girls who are just starting attract predators who want to push boundaries, and they may become wary and tired really fast..

Also how do you explain that I.. being much older than 18 years old and charging more than agency rates get plenty of bookings? I'm just reaching a different client base.

 

[Julia Sky]

Yes that’s not new, Julia

As I’ve mentioned in post #25

“Clients looking for a more social or platonic vibe can still find that here - but that’s THEIR personal choice they will request to a SP. It shouldn’t be something that EVERYONE has to wade through to find the kind of experience they’re actually looking for when this site is built for X purpose in the first place”.

Please read before saying stupidities like I’m gatekeeping “actual working girls”. Every girl is entitled to work how they want but they shouldn’t be surprised if they enter the sex industry and advertise on these sites that they are indeed used to book women for sex. It’s not rocket science. These arm candy girls that false advertise and end up talking the whole session make men not wanna hobby anymore.

The economy is bad sure but there are outside factors contributing to this issue as well such as girls that do this.

But now these clients have to bother everyone and ask if they offer this kind of experience?

I don't get eyelash extensions but I still don't think it's a problem when they're advertised at the nail salon even if I only go for nails. It's a service under the same umbrella (beauty). It's normal for businesses to advertise the various services they offer. I haven't really seen any ad where the person said they ONLY offer social, have you? Maybe that's where the misunderstanding comes from because this isn't something I've come across.

(Also youre the one who used the words "actual working girl" hence why I said let's not gatekeep)

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Yes that’s not new, Julia

As I’ve mentioned in post #25

“Clients looking for a more social or platonic vibe can still find that here - but that’s THEIR personal choice they will request to a SP. It shouldn’t be something that EVERYONE has to wade through to find the kind of experience they’re actually looking for when this site is built for X purpose in the first place”.

Please read before saying stupidities like I’m gatekeeping “actual working girls”. Every girl is entitled to work how they want but they shouldn’t be surprised if they enter the sex industry and advertise on these sites that they are indeed used to book women for sex. It’s not rocket science. These arm candy girls that false advertise and end up talking the whole session make men not wanna hobby anymore.

The economy is bad sure but there are outside factors contributing to this issue as well such as girls that do this.

Can you give me an example, without naming anyone, of someone who is advertising purely ''arm candy'' services? I'm trying to see your point of view here and I just don't understand. I do see girls talking about going on vacations and dinner dates on twitter but even if they're not mentioning sex that doesn't mean they aren't doing anything with their clients.
Also, guys who see girls who advertise these types of services and don't want to see this type of escort, are just not going to book them.

Sometimes there is another story behind a client who complains that they talked during the whole session honestly. You just don't know it because you're only seeing the client's perspective.

And some guys actually book us because they want to talk, sometimes because they want interesting conversations, sometimes because they need a confidante and someone to vent to..

 

[Lunaseraphim]

But now these clients have to bother everyone and ask if they offer this kind of experience?

I don't get eyelash extensions but I still don't think it's a problem when they're advertised at the nail salon even if I only go for nails. It's a service under the same umbrella (beauty). It's normal for businesses to advertise the various services they offer. I haven't really seen any ad where the person said they ONLY offer social, have you? Maybe that's where the misunderstanding comes from because this isn't something I've come across.

(Also youre the one who used the words "actual working girl" hence why I said let's not gatekeep)

Yeah I think it's more about the branding, obviously many mid range providers and all high end providers advertise social services but that doesn't mean we're trying to avoid working. That's also why I have a social rate. I want to point out that every provider who commented in this thread is pretty much mid range.. It also depends on what your interests and skills are. Personally I'm really into psychology and I love to talk. Some providers don't, they find it exhausting and they don't want to hear clients talk about certain things. Clients will book the provider who suits their needs.