Making the SP feel comfortable

[Michaelscott]

Hi fellow Merbers,
I meet the SPs rarely. Due to multiple factors I'm not able to meet them as frequently as I would wish for, so I always hope to make the date count and make it a great experience, especially for the lady since I am a people pleaser from the core. But as an introvert and shy person, I feel like I always fall short on making the lady comfortable with me. I never had a 'bad' date, but sometimes I feel like the lady is being reserved or keeping her guard up. And when I read about experiences of other Merbers here and all the fantastic experiences they have on their dates, I really wish I could have such experience. Could you please give me any pointers on how can I make sure the lady feels more comfortable with me on the date?

 

[Obvio-0bvio]

Hey buddy, sorry to hear you’re having trouble getting into the comfort zone with service providers. It’s actually a great topic to bring up because it happens more often than people think, especially for newer hobbyists. I’ve been seeing providers for over 25 years, and I’ve picked up a few key tips that have worked for me time and time again. I’ve shared them before, and plenty of other members have told me they’ve had better experiences after following this advice.

And just to be clear, it doesn’t matter if you’re older, overweight, bald, shy, or whatever. If you approach things the right way, you’re already ahead of the game. I’d say 90% of my sessions have been great, and I credit that to doing a few simple things right from the start.

Hygiene is everything.
This is number one for a reason. Shower before the session. Be clean, fresh, and maybe a couple sprays of cologne just enough to smell nice, not overpowering. First impressions matter.

Make her feel comfortable.
A lot of people don’t realize this, but many providers are nervous too, especially at the beginning of a session. If you can help her relax, the whole encounter will go smoother. Be a gentleman, offer her a drink, chat for a bit, put on some light music, and keep the vibe relaxed. If she feels safe and at ease, the energy becomes mutual, and that’s when you get the best version of her.

Don’t rush things.
One of the biggest mistakes I see is guys who are already naked and aggressive the second the provider walks in. That instantly creates tension and a ticking bomb for a disaster.Many members make this mistake and then wonder why the session didn't go well.Meanwhile, the same provider gives me the best service because I take the time to ease into it.Give her a few minutes to settle in. Let the mood build. That first 10–15 minutes is key to setting the tone.

Respect her boundaries.
Always. No exceptions. If you try to cross lines or get pushy, the experience will go downhill fast and she’ll remember you next time, not in a good way and word to mouth between service providers travel very fast.

Service fees:
While not required, it’s always appreciated to have the donation ready, ideally left in plain sight, with a tip if you’re comfortable with it. It helps remove any awkwardness and shows respect for her time.

Trust me, these small things make a big difference. They’ve worked for me for decades, and I’ve heard from plenty of other members who’ve had better results just by following them. Give it a shot and let us know how it goes.Good luck buddy!

 

[Flyingby]

@Michaelscott
Take what you read with a grain of salt. Not everything is true and many things are exaggerated.

My advice that I have gotten from someone else before:
Bring something to drink. Starbucks refreshers goes a long way. 1 for you. And 1 for her
Also a small box of 3 lindt chocolate (they are like a dollar).
When action starts. Datying her before your bj also helps. No need to get her to climax. Just loosen some juices.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Hi fellow Merbers,
I meet the SPs rarely. Due to multiple factors I'm not able to meet them as frequently as I would wish for, so I always hope to make the date count and make it a great experience, especially for the lady since I am a people pleaser from the core. But as an introvert and shy person, I feel like I always fall short on making the lady comfortable with me. I never had a 'bad' date, but sometimes I feel like the lady is being reserved or keeping her guard up. And when I read about experiences of other Merbers here and all the fantastic experiences they have on their dates, I really wish I could have such experience. Could you please give me any pointers on how can I make sure the lady feels more comfortable with me on the date?

A lot of what you read in reviews is exaggerated, and I think sometimes when a client is reserved shyness is contagious.
Here is my advice for what made me comfortable as an indy SP, along with what others have already said:

-the client introduced himself properly with his name and age and maybe a bit more info about himself.. he filled my booking form or texted me with a real phone number. he already had a date and time in mind
-the client has a positive attitude, asks the right questions and says what he's looking for directly, he sends screening info
-if he is shy and reserved, he can say that during the booking process so that i'm ready for it
-if you want her to take the lead, let that be known.. sometimes guys just wait there without doing anything or saying anything, and that's uncomfortable for both parties
-if you need to break the ice, i recommend booking more than an hour with the SP so you guys can have a conversation maybe over a glass of wine before heading to the bedroom.
-book the same provider more than once. you will become more comfortable with her over time.

I'd prefer a client be shy and reserved than aggressive and cocky, personally. It's not a character flaw to be introverted and some SP are more suitable for a connection like this.

 

[snowplow]

For me it is very simple: treat people the way you would like to be treated. That means respect, not judging and honesty.

 

[LC18]

Could you please give me any pointers on how can I make sure the lady feels more comfortable with me on the date?

Is it always the same one or one different every time? Those will have 2 different answers

I think the most important is to respect the person’s boundaries, pay upfront, listen to directions and be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not or do something just because you think it would make you better in her eyes

 

[LC18]

Starbucks refreshers goes a long way. 1 for you. And 1 for her

I personally don’t drink opened drinks so this would make me very uncomfortable. It’s better to ask before you bring an open drink

 

[Flyingby]

I personally don’t drink opened drinks so this would make me very uncomfortable. It’s better to ask before you bring an open drink

I completely understand this
I always bring two. Let my date choose and then take a huge gulp of mine. This usually makes her feel confortable.

 

[LC18]

I completely understand this
I always bring two. Let my date choose and then take a huge gulp of mine. This usually makes her feel confortable.

Drink both so I know they’re not laced

 

[LeDodo]

I personally don’t drink opened drinks so this would make me very uncomfortable. It’s better to ask before you bring an open drink

Yes that's why I think of bottled drinks or those fruit/milk/bubble tea which are sealed

 

[philonius]

Drink both so I know they’re not laced

 

[philonius]

Hi fellow Merbers,
I meet the SPs rarely. Due to multiple factors I'm not able to meet them as frequently as I would wish for, so I always hope to make the date count and make it a great experience, especially for the lady since I am a people pleaser from the core. But as an introvert and shy person, I feel like I always fall short on making the lady comfortable with me. I never had a 'bad' date, but sometimes I feel like the lady is being reserved or keeping her guard up. And when I read about experiences of other Merbers here and all the fantastic experiences they have on their dates, I really wish I could have such experience. Could you please give me any pointers on how can I make sure the lady feels more comfortable with me on the date?

Lots of good advice so far here so I’ll only reiterate the 2 I lean on the most:

Don’t rush. I’ve never booked less than 2-hours bc I like the conversation and the anticipation and the kisses and the foreplay and the build up and everything else that comes before and during sex maybe more than the acts themselves. It’s always what makes me comfortable and, in turn, the sps I’m with usually. It’s also what seems to allow me to experience some of the wild things I’ve been able to (to the chagrin of the non-believers).

Empathy. I’m a pleaser like you but that starts with empathy. Try to imagine what they would like, what they have to go through, and what would make their experience with you ideal (asking the questions you are here is a great start). So I read their website/ad and try to follow their booking requirements to the letter, with as little back-and-forth as possible if I’m seeing them for the first time. When we are together I pace it accordingly (see point 1 above) or let them set the pace if that’s what makes them comfortable. And lastly, while I am there to be pleasured, I try to ensure their pleasure is also a priority, not a lucky side-effect. Eat pussy and be merry (if that’s what gets them off, of course).

Other than that remember that it won’t click with everyone either. Fortunately you’re in a city with a near inexhaustible supply of amazing companions.

 

[Flyingby]

Drink both so I know they’re not laced

Ok. But I will need a pee break at some point
And peeing while hard is definitely a pain to do

 

[LeDodo]

Ok. But I will need a pee break at some point
And peeing while hard is definitely a pain to do

Go to the shower to do ...