When does an activity become a Fetish?

[HonestAbe]

When I hear the word "Fetish", whips and chains come to mind, but thats just one of many activities that could be classified as a fetish. When does an activity that you fantasize about or participate in "cross the line" and become a fetish. Does a fetish imply addiction or can it just be something we are particularly turned on by but not necessarily fixated on? Are there different levels of "fetishism" of which some are healthy but others not?

Has anyone here ever found themselves being controlled by a fetish in a negative way? For instance not being able to perform sexually unless in a certain position. Can "doggystyle" be a fetish by itself? Why not if toe sucking is considered a fetish by itself. If something is not normally done on a regular basis, like anal sex for instance, is it automatically a fetish? Does the word fetish have a negative connotation to it in any of your minds or does it depend on the activity as to how you view it?

Finally what different explanations do you have to offer for why people like certain fetishes? Many men who are into the whole dominatrix thing for instance are powerful executives who admit to being tired of being in charge and need to be dominated for a change, in this way they obtain a release from the pressure they feel at work everyday. What would you say about "Ass worship", some say that it implies latent homosexuality in men, is this hogwash or a keen observation? Why would someone want to be peed on or worse yet, pooped on ! Your thoughts anyone?

 

[Magda]

Fetishism isn't even necessarily sexual. Lots of religious communities engage in fetishism.

From Merriam-Webster:
Main Entry: fe·tish
Variant(s): also fe·tich /'fe-tish also 'fE-/
Function: noun
Etymology: French & Portuguese; French fétiche, from Portuguese feitiço, from feitiço artificial, false, from Latin facticius factitious
1 a : an object (as a small stone carving of an animal) believed to have magical power to protect or aid its owner; broadly : a material object regarded with superstitious or extravagant trust or reverence b : an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion : PREPOSSESSION c : an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

That being said, I am certain that we are focusing on the more sexual aspect of fetishism.

Fetishism is often mistaken for Kink. BDSM play doesn't necessarily have anything to do with fetish. Unless the BDSM play involves certain rituals or objects that must be in place in order for sexual arousal and gratification. Now, it often does, which would be the reason fetish is often mistaken as synonamous with kink. I love BDSM play but none of my personal fetishes relate exclusivley to BDSM, per se.

Can "doggystyle" be a fetish by itself? Well, not really. What would make it a fetish is if doggystyle was an obsession. It would have to be somewhat ritualised as well. What separates that from "toe-sucking", is generally the the fetish is not the sucking, but the toes. These sexual fetishes are obsession with a body part; imbuing that body part with out of the ordinary eroticism. Generally, this will exclude the actual gentalia, as they are already highly eroticised.

Fetishism is a complex combination of fixation and ritual. Without the obsession, one's fancies cannot be considered a fetish. As for when that becomes unhealthy: like anything else, when it interferes with your ability to function in your daily life, or puts you or others in danger.

 

[Nugie]

Abe,

IMHO...

Anything can be classified as an "addiction" when the individual is compelled to that behavior even when confronted with severe negative consequences.

Here's the difference:

You like hobbying. You really, really like hobbying. You do it all the time.

Not yet addiction.

You start missing mortgage payments in order to hobby.

Now it's an "addicition".

The key here is being able to make the conscientious, logical comparison between the enjoyment of something and its repercussions.

Heroin in the northeast USA is so pure that it's snorted. Some people have done this and enjoy it, and that's it. Others stick needles into their eyeballs because the rest of their veins have exploded and their flesh is rotting away. I'd call that an addiction.

 

[eastender]

Activity/fetish

An activity becomes a fetish when someone figures out a way to market and make money from it by charging a Barnumite.

Smoking fetish.If an attractive woman exotically smokes cigarette in a restaurant chances are that the patrons will be upset and ask that she stop,be removed or complain that the experience spoiled their meal.

An SP will charge extra to exotically smoke a cigarette if someone has a smoking fetish.

 

[Techman]

Personally I like cute sexy feet but I have no desire to suck on toes or smell them. I've always been turned on by a nice pair of high heels, probably because they lead to long sexy legs and a nice cute butt and....sorry, getting carried away here There's all kinds of fetish sites on the web but the ones I just really don't understand at all are balloon sites. They have pics and videos of girls blowing up and bursting balloons in various ways such as sitting on them. I just don't get it.

 

[bond_james_bond]

My fetishes

I have a fetish for flight attendants/business women. I just love the skirt suit with nylons and high-heeled pumps. Unfortunately, rarely, if ever, will an SP wear such items.

As weird as it sounds, I have a few of these outfits in the back of a closet (no, I never wear them myself!). I keep these because I have found that very few women are able to dress this way correctly. The "casual", retro 70s look has settled in to stay, unfortunately, IMHO.

If it's not possible for the SP to wear this (i.e. incall), then I'm still able to perform. The lack of the outfit doesn't stop me, but it's a nice bonus. I'm not into role-playing with these outfits; it's just that nothing turns me on more than women in business attire.

 

[Carla]

From what I read here and what I consider a fetish seem to be the same thing, something that turns you on. An object, style, position.. whatever. Doesn't have to be abnormal or obsessive.

I think the way now people use this term is very general. It can be anything you like: flowers, rain, umbrellas. However if you find yourself using the word fetish on daily basis to describe your preferences.. maybe you have the word 'fetsh' - fetish! One of those fancy words, excellent for the metrosexual guys IMO.

Carla

 

[Carla]

Why would someone want to be peed on or worse yet, pooped on ! Your thoughts anyone?

I've always wondered about the same thing. I think it has less to do with office stress and more with our basic instincts. I've met enough masochistic people to conclude that this category exists and they are all different people of different ages and social groups.

What I've always found fascinating is for every two people (this is only my theory here) one is always more dominant and the other is more submissive. If the dominant one happens to be a masochist their S&M session won't work (again, maybe I'm wrong!).. I have a very good freind who likes to be peed on and such.. but he won't be dominated by me! He always tells me what to do. A few times he tried to be dominated by me but it didn't work. On the other hand there is a category of people I can dominate.. This is some kind of a rating theory.. everybody has a number..

Carla

 

[HonestAbe]

Great Responses

Nothing like a good spankin! I enjoy one myself and in the past certain girlfriends of mine who have been smart enough to figure this out about me used it to their advantage. I remember one really smart cookie who used to do it too me when we were out in public. She loved to watch me blush and it turned her on to make me so horny knowing there was nothing we could do about it at the time. She would laugh and tell me what a naughty boy I was while I squirmed in sexual angst! So you could make the argument that she had a "tease" fetish. When we got home I couldn't get the door open and closed fast enough and we would be flinging clothes off everywhere as I ravished her for the next hour or so which she also enjoyed greatly. I guess the two separate fetishes added up to some incredible foreplay.

I've met some other women who were totally appalled by anything other than missionary! These relationships didn't last long, LOL! "Kink" as Magda described it or "fetish", both are viewed within a negative context by more conservative types than we Merbites. Maybe because of the way certain people are brought up and taught to be ashamed of their sexuality. But others, who rebel against this opression of pleasure seeking activity seem to get it. "It" being that there are "fetishes", which from what I gather from most of the thoughts expressed here, are healthy methods of foreplay which turn some of us on, and then there are obsessions which tend to be unhealthy since they consume us and we are unable to function to some extent, or at all, without them.

It is interesting to speculate as to why certain people like certain things so much, expecially when the activity can seem so gross to even some of us here at Merb who are more sexually enlightened than the average schmo. Carla brought up a friend of hers who likes a golden shower, I personally have a friend who fantasizes about having famous women poop on his chest while he masturbates. Why? I really have no idea. A very interesting subject indeed.