I have absolutely no escape

[gamelessdork]

Okay kind of extreme there in regards to the definition of single in your point of view! Naaah.... single is never about celibacy. It is about freedom and independence with most importantly self-preservation where formlessness and the ability to constantly redefine who you are and want to be. That is something you don't want to lose. That is what single is about. Well that is my take on it.

If you don't know what this truly means well when one day when you spend your weekends shopping for tampons and all that Hello Kitty/Sanrio crap instead of heading to say cutting some fresh powder with your snowboard, then you wish you were a game less dork.

I know I have freedom, and I travel a lot. I get drunk probably way too much too. But just the most basic things in life that virtually everyone takes for granted, I've never really even experienced. Thing of this, I'm in my early thirties, and I've only had girls willingly have sex with me (ie not having to pay) 10 times. TEN TIMES!! I realize, yes, that it's not a competition, that in 100 years, I'm going to be rotting and it won't matter, but when you're alive, it really does matter (oh and no, it's not just about sex for me, thank GOD i have a pretty low sex drive)... Even if I were to get married, I would enver want kids anyways. I've been on public transport, I've seen the guy with his wife who probably gained 100 lbs since they got married, and the screaming brats running around and I could just tell he was feeling dread and hating his life... But I'm sure he also had some fun.

 

[gamelessdork]

Well GD, some girls did show interest in you, even if it was for a month or so.
Who's to say some other girl wont sometime in the future???

EDIT: Also let me give you some advice, you're probably not the best-looking guy
in the world so here's what I would do:

Cut your hair short (women like clean cut), shave off all beards or moustaches.
If you are overweight start hitting a gym and lose weight.
Try to wear some nice clothes if you can afford it.

Start with that and see where it goes

Actually I'm not bad looking at all. I'm not a model for sure, but it's not really looks. It's having no game that's the problem. The last girl that I dated basically told me I wasn't aggressive or confident (it really takes success with women to get confidence with women, duh) for her. She was stunning, simply amazing looking, I consider myself lucky for having made out with her twice. But I lost out. Like I always have. That was the first traditional dating (the girls I had my relationships with was someone I had already known, so didn't have to date, and the other I met at a wedding and we basically had sex right then, so didn't really need to do the dating stuff) that I had actually gotten past the first date with. Had 5 dates with this chick, the next morning after date 5 she called me to say "lets just be friends"

I don't recall ever having had a second date before.

 

[rollingstone]

Man trust me you are not alone, I missed out on the best years of my life too for a different set of reasons, but maybe the best is yet to come. I have to agree with Techman, trendy bars are where you find bitches, not women. I believe in the theory that nice guys can find nice women, while assholes will only get the bitches. In addition to local bars, you would do well to expand your circle by getting involved in different activities. Volunteering at a charity group or getting into a softball team (or any other amatuer sport) might be a good idea. You could also sign up for night classes for different interests you might have had but never pursued like acting or perhaps learn a new language. You meet more people this way and if you don't 'click' with someone you could meet someone they know that grabs your interest. My point is that if you are determined to remind yourself of years lost all you will do is lose more years.

 

[gamelessdork]

Man trust me you are not alone, I missed out on the best years of my life too for a different set of reasons, but maybe the best is yet to come. I have to agree with Techman, trendy bars are where you find bitches, not women. I believe in the theory that nice guys can find nice women, while assholes will only get the bitches. In addition to local bars, you would do well to expand your circle by getting involved in different activities. Volunteering at a charity group or getting into a softball team (or any other amatuer sport) might be a good idea. You could also sign up for night classes for different interests you might have had but never pursued like acting or perhaps learn a new language. You meet more people this way and if you don't 'click' with someone you could meet someone they know that grabs your interest. My point is that if you are determined to remind yourself of years lost all you will do is lose more years.

Pretty good advice. I've tried lots of it, but unfortunately I'm not very outgoing, so these haven't been successful, that added onto the unfriendly nature of the people where I live. I'd be a little better off if I lived elsewhere.

Unforuntately got a call from a good friend of mine, his dad died this weekend. Totally sucks.

 

[Lone Rider]

Listen Up, Reality check

OK Gamelessdork, I've been reading this thread and I do not usually respond to these kinds of threads. However, I believe that I may help.

Look, just face it, if you are unhappy about your current situation, IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!!! I'm serious. If you are like most of us, the chicks will not jump in your arms and ask you to bang them. Very few people on this earth has this type of ability or luck.

Now, after reading this thread, I'm not sure what you really want. Do you want a fuck friend? A long term relationship? Something in between?

I am proposing to you something, proactive planning strategy.
Then, make an effort to change and adapt to meet your goals. You can see this as a multistep approach.

First step: Determine what you want out of life. Put on paper what you really want in life in terms of relationships. Short term, long term, etc..... Then, you will be able to devise a strategy to take the next step. Create a step by step plan to become a better you and make yourself interesting to potential women.

Second step: become happy with yourself. Change your ways and views
Examples: if you are out of shape, get your ass into a gym for a while to tone up. If you have been hitting the booze, sober up!! Redo your wardrobe to get something a bit more trendy. If you need to go to more extreme measures, consider plastic surgery to correct some physical issues if this is the case.

Do you have interests? Sports, music, dancing, community involvement? you must have something besides work.... If not, find yourself something that is of interest to you but, be realistic. I know people that do not have any goals in life and when challenged, they say that they want to become a race car driver or something similar. It's just a lame excuse to stay in their misery. Chicks so not want to take care of a man that has issues. Bottom line: clean up your act!!!

Third step: If you want to meet women, go where women are. If you go to your local tavern, you risk of meeting mostly men. Take a dance class. That's right, tango, valse, line dancing.... These classes are packed with women with a high ratio of women over men. Also, you can consider going through the classified for women searching for stable relationships. Do not go there to bang the women. While dating, you will develop your social skills and eventually become confortable with women. Then, you will meet the right one (s).

I've seen the worst geeks in the world that eventually fell in love and got married (ball and chained). If they can do it, you to. In the meantime, use the service of SPs to help relieve some tension. You will feel better in the process and eventually become more confident. And look, get over paying for it! There is no thing as free sex. A girlfriend or wife will cost you much more than what an SP will charge you, believe me.

In conclusion, make a plan, get your act together, change your look on life, get yourself a life, get involved and things will work for you. Don't give up, it is too easy to say that I cannot do it. Take things all in stride.

Good luck,

Lone Rider

 

[gamelessdork]

I empathize and know you feel, GD. Bars are poison for people like you and me. I'm bitter too and I end up feeling horrible...it might be worse for me, because I gave up drinking a few months ago. Try and be around these people sober. Enough to make you wretch. I hear stories of guys in my situation-divorced with a child-going years without sex and I think, Jesus why not kill myself now and save the suffering. Oh yeah, I can't, my son needs me.

I feel the same way about you, except that I fear I wasted my best years with a woman I don't love. An emotional girl, really.
What's worse, you're right about women our age. They all seem to think they're God's gift to men. Look at a profile on AFF...can be some fat, middle aged woman with little to offer, (yeah, I'm mean) and she thinks she's way too good for anyone other than a millionaire movie star. Cheee-rist.
I find myself increasingly bitter, angry and almost hateful towards women as a gender. Yesterday a female friend sensed my feelings and wrote me a note...It read, "(my name) is a hotty." It was meant to make me feel better. It pissed me off something fierce. I'm told all the time that I'm attractive. Doesn't matter. At the moment, I'm floundering. My career is in a spiral, I'm paying child support and I have a lot of emotional baggage. That's all women give a fuck about. Why do we hobby? Because women are all prostitutes in the sense that none will have sex for free...some are just honest about it. As EB said somewhere, we're paying the women to leave.
The thing is, being married isn't necessarily better, even though I know how you feel. My ex-wife keeps hinting that she'd get back together if I were interested. There's no way I could do it. I can't even accept a hug from her-it would feel dirty somehow, especially now that I see the guy she's with

Anyway, the thing is, there is a woman for you, and there is one for me, too...it's just that statistically there are fewer of them, and I'm not social enough to meet enough people to find her/them...I suspect you're not, either. At times I've contemplated a move to an area that has a higher ratio of women to men. As I understand it, in Manhattan, women greatly outnumber men...(I'm serious)

There may be a high ratio of women to men in Manhattan, same as where i live, but they all have very high expecations. If you aren't rich in Manhattan, you might as well be invisible. I've lived there, worked there, went to school there. I need maybe a midwest town where people are friendly and have more realistic expectations, though my lack of game will still hinder me a lot.

I do enjoy socializing in bars. It's really the only socializing I do these days. I talk to tons of people, but I have been drinking too much. ANd when I drink, I smoke, and so it's not good..... Plus bar food is pretty bad for you. Fortunately I exercise a lot and walk a lot, so I'm in good shape.

As for Lone Ranger's comments (god I hope that's his name), there's some good advice in it, but some of the stuff he suggests is impossible for me to do (ie dancing, I'm sure it would be great, but I'm too self conscious to dance. I got drink a gallon of rum, and still would only dance a gunpoint, I physically cannot do it.) What I want out of life? I'd prefer a serious relationship, but I read what you guys post about married life, I know what happened to my friends, to acquaintances, and yeah, some bad stuff does happen. Betrayal, materialism, stuff like that. I've been betrayed by the two relationships I've had. I've seen how women cheat (I'm sure men cheat too), i've seen guys get used, robbed, I've been used badly, etc. I know many bad things can happen, that's my only hesitation about wanting a serious relationship. Not like I've ever really ahd it, but casual sex stuff isn't for me. I'm also not looking for notches on my bedpost. Whenever I was with a girl, there were no other girls on earth. I was happy with what I had and felt lucky, so had no desire for other women.

 

[gamelessdork]

You have some okay points, LR, but this is way off. I think that GD, like me, is in a sort of catch-22. Doesn't feel good about himself because he can't attract a woman, can't attract a woman until he feels good about himself, which won't happen until he attracts some women.

I don't know what GD looks like, but I doubt his problems are physical. I'm relatively short, which is a minus for women, but otherwise very attractive. And I say that not in arrogance, but because it's true. And you know what? It doesn't matter. The most accurate thing in your thread is that sex is never free for men. A wardrobe change or working out, etc won't help.

The only way it could help is if the wardrobe fools women into thinking he's loaded...or, maybe working out will raise his testosterone level, as it has done for me. I don't know that it helps your confidence, but looking back, the one woman that I know is interested in me (and it can go nowhere because she's married-unless I want to risk the husband blowing my balls off with a shotgun) works at a restaurant that I used to go into after working out...I really think it has to do with two things...my testosterone was always sky high from lifting and my son was usually with me....he's the one thing that makes me consistently happy and I'm different when I'm with him, I'm happy, friendly...(but he's baggage for most women, too)

The one bright sign I'll give you is that aging isn't really a hindrance to men, because I insist upon my point that women are more interest in status, if not wealth than looks

You're totally right, the confidence I need can only come from success with women... I go to the gym a lot, I lift weights, I'm very muscular. I'm confident that I can lift a certain amount of weight, I'm confident I can do cardio for a certain amount of time. Doesn't impact me getting women. Been in great shape my entire life, never helped me get women, not in the slightest.

Now that I think of it, the two "relationships" I had was when I was the poorest I had ever been. One of them was a golddigger, she left me for a millionaire. The other was a little "confused" and very self centered/bitchy/flakey. I had absolutely NO money when I was seeing either of them.

Yup, it's basically about status and wealth. I have decent income, but no status. I'm in an incredibly status-oriented town.

 

[gamelessdork]

If you read french, try the book "Casé en une semaine", lots of good advices to date attractive women.

http://www.frenchtouchseduction.com/guide-seduction-case-une-semaine/

Je ne parle pas Francais

I do have some books in english that I'm hoping will help my thought process and get rid of my insecurities.

 

[chef]

.......... Because women are all prostitutes in the sense that none will have sex for free...........

The intent of that statement, as expressed is derogatory, and I could not disagree more. Sex can be just that (sex for the sake of sex), but it can also be an expression of thanks from a woman whom you have given a lot to in terms of companionship, tenderness understanding, etc, without being in love (and she has given you the same). You are not buying sex from her; the two of you are expressing joy at being with each other. I can just imagine the cynics and skeptics rolling their eyes at my statements; so be it.

 

[joelcairo]

Hey Gameless listen to the Lone Rider. There's great advice there. And take this to the bank also: some women are looking for a walking cash register but a lot just want a decent guy. It's really not hard to get a girl to like you but first you gotta drop the "pitiful me" routine - that's one thing they don't like.

 

[Techman]

Hey btyger, can I get in on this 'charity' too? I'm a lonely single guy.

 

[chef]

I should have clarified: the cost can be emotional, not just financial. ..........

I was not talking financial.

 

[The Snark]

Sex can be just that (sex for the sake of sex), but it can also be an expression of thanks from a woman whom you have given a lot to in terms of companionship, tenderness understanding, etc, without being in love (and she has given you the same). You are not buying sex from her; the two of you are expressing joy at being with each other.

Beautifully put. Sex (and love) are best given as gifts, and gifts demand reciprocation. Guys, you need to rise up from your swamps of self-pity, wash off your cynicism, and start appreciating all the wonderful things life has to offer--with or without women.

 

[Fat Happy Buddha]

Hey Gameless listen to the Lone Rider. There's great advice there. And take this to the bank also: some women are looking for a walking cash register but a lot just want a decent guy. It's really not hard to get a girl to like you but first you gotta drop the "pitiful me" routine - that's one thing they don't like.

I have to second that. There has been a lot of good input, but I was especially impressed with Lone Rider's advice. Techman made some really great points too.

Finally, I would like to say that you should really take heed of joelcairo's advice about dropping the "pitiful me" routine. A positive attitude is the first step to solving a problem. Also, if after trying all the good advice in this thread, you find that you still can't kick start yourself, maybe you can consider a couple visits to a psychologist. A friend of mine was in a situation similar to yours about a year ago. He became really gun-shy and down on himself after his little hottie girlfriend dumped him. A couple visits to a psychologist together with support from friends really helped him a lot.

Guys, you need to rise up from your swamps of self-pity, wash off your cynicism, and start appreciating all the wonderful things life has to offer--with or without women..

I really liked The Snark's comment. It made me think two things. First, there are many different sides to our lives and not all of them are going to go well. It is important to appreciate what we do have.

Second, sometimes we have to be careful not to get sucked into everybody else's timetable and make sure we live our life at our own pace and according to our own agenda. All around us--on television, in movies, in music, in the streets--love and sex is everywhere. It is shoved down our throats in enormous quantities by media and society. With all this pressure, I can understand that a young man would feel like a failure if he wasn't getting laid at least three times a week. But sometimes we need to pull away from all that background noise, take full ownership of our emotions and make sure that our ambitions are actually our own. That way we can put romantic relationships in their proper perspective so that they don't constitute such an absolutely necessity to our sense of well-being and self-worth. This will remove a lot of pressure and also make us more able to appreciate the uniqueness of each relationship when they do come our way.

 

[Regular Guy]

alt.fastseduction.com?

We’ve done this theme before actually, Gameless. As you can see this ailment affects or has affected a lot of guys. So if you don’t mind comments from another guy who’s been around the block, I’ll add mine. You live in NY, home of the ambitious it seems. Those girls can be a tough sell. You lack game? Believe it or not game is not that hard if all you want is the shallow end of it. First, do yourself a favour and buy Neil Strauss’ book, The Game. Read it. It is your jumping off point. Now go to the Google bar at the top of this screen. Type in “fast seduction”. The first entries will get you on track. You didn’t invent this syndrome you find yourself in. It is probably as old as time. These guys specialize in turning pimply faced dorks into master hustlers. Is it guaranteed? Only death and taxes are guaranteed in this life. But the odds will be definitely more in your favour.

But what are you seeking, really? If all you want is ego gratification or to soothe your wounded ego, then seduction techniques will help. Will they work on the shrewd ambitious girls who flock to New York? No guarantees there. It does help to understand what drives them (if any man has ever been able to understand the mind of women other than in broad terms). Biology drives us all. In times past women looked principally for men with good genes who could support them in conceiving and raising a family. Many still do. Todays career oriented woman may just be looking for a good partner in crime (The "DINK" situation). In any event once you get her attention what are you going to do with her. Better be clear. The other guys who have posted here have provided you with a reality check. Basically what they are saying is, “Be careful what you wish for!” Having been there I can say that my married years were the best, not because of my wife necessarily but definitely because of my kids and family life in general. It is truly a lot of work, though, and in our present day society more difficult to maintain any relationship (as the divorce rate attests to). Should you try anyway? In my opinion. Yes! But you must decide that one. And if you are dedicated to finding a wife, maybe a change of cities will help. And check out Lone Rider’s step by step plan. He’s right on the money. My youngest son joined a swing dancing club and he has access to all sorts of nice girls. Good luck on this and remember it is all in the mind and all about perception. Psych yourself up and it will happen. And God help you if it does! (Just kidding).

 

[gamelessdork]

Hey Gameless listen to the Lone Rider. There's great advice there. And take this to the bank also: some women are looking for a walking cash register but a lot just want a decent guy. It's really not hard to get a girl to like you but first you gotta drop the "pitiful me" routine - that's one thing they don't like.

I don't think I come off as pitiful me, though I notice most women are like that, and it doesn't repell me. They seem to be very unforgiving about faults you have, but you're an asshole if you won't date a girl because of her faults. I know , double standards, non negotiatble either....

 

[gamelessdork]

One thing you need to know is that "nice guys finish last". People on this board could witness the amount of times I bitched and complained about my lack of sucess here, but I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I decided to experament with my looks and attitude a bit. I have the ethnic look and usually pass for Italian, Greek, Lebaness and sometimes Russian. I let my hair grow a bit and slick it back with some moose, plus I put my foot down and have started to develope a good self image, which I portray. My attitude now is that I have the goods and she better know it. If she does not than too bad, she's an idiot and so I say "NEXT". There are too many women out there and one of them will be intelegent enought to give me a chance. It's about attitude my friend. You don't have to be an asshole or a prick, but a little arragence is good. While I don't have a girlfriend yet, I have noticed lately that I am at least getting some looks which indicates to me that my time is coming soon. Mybe you should give it a try.

Doesn't it piss you off that you cannot be you and get a woman? I have to become someone I am not to be able to impress a woman. That's not right. What the hell is wrong with this world?

 

[gamelessdork]

Lots of good comments here for you....

But like the Peter DeVries character you have a problem for every solution....

Don't forget alcohol is a depressant....

Forget the bars as a place to meet ladies....

Talk to a doctor as (apart form the alcohol) you may be depressed.... and depression is one illness that can often be overcome fairly easily....

Some time after I got over the near-death experience of my wife leaving I started dating again.... the less I wanted to meet someone the quicker and easier I did meet someone... I got on a roll like I had never known before.... do your best to dump your hang-dog attitude, follow some of the advice above, be almost indifferent to hooking up and then it will happen...

I've seen shrinks for years, been on meds, doesn't do anything. Without booze, I don't even have the balls to talk to a female. Kinda wonders why I made no female friends in college other then the girlfriends of my friends.

 

[chef]

I've seen shrinks for years, been on meds, doesn't do anything. Without booze, I don't even have the balls to talk to a female. Kinda wonders why I made no female friends in college other then the girlfriends of my friends.

Start by dropping the handle as a start to a new image. PM Fred Zed and get a new handle. As long as you are using "gamelessdork" as a handle you are setting yourself up in your own mind for failure.

 

[Chuckles]

Doesn't it piss you off that you cannot be you and get a woman? I have to become someone I am not to be able to impress a woman. That's not right. What the hell is wrong with this world?

Been there, tried that, actually had a bit more success that way. I also realized fairly quickly just how superficial that approach is and how much harder it was to keep up the facade and play "let's pretend" on a daily basis. I dropped that approach after I asked myself just how long I intended to project myself as something I knew I wasn't. If you're looking for anything longer than short-term, why make yourself miserable? And if you're looking for longer-term, at what point do you think she'll figure out on her own what you are?

This isn't to say that you can't try new things - hey, who knows what you don't like if you haven't tried it? It's entirely possible that you'll meet someone in the process of expanding your horizons. However, to me it's more crucial not to be afraid to show what your interests are. Fear doesn't seem to be the most common aphrodisiac. LOL More importantly, if you feel you need to project only what she's looking for in order to get her to pay any attention to you, you probably want to ask yourself just how important it is to either one of you for you to continue pursuing her.

This also isn't to say that it's going to guarantee that women are going to start throwing themselves at you. Since I took a look at what I am and what I like, I've had very few women come to me and express any interest whatsoever in a non-work type of relationship. Most of them are married, come to think of it... geez. However, I'm happier because they HAVE talked with me because I'm me and honest about it. The way I look at it is that if I've been able to get come to me that way, think how much more success I'd have if I was actively pursuing!

Look at it this way - I get the same urges for a companion every once in a while, but I know that I'd rather have someone who wants me for me than someone who is looking for perfection/riches/Grecian god-like bodyetc. I'm a work in progress; I know that there are aspects I can improve. But is it worth it to do a complete overhaul solely to make one other person happy? Not to me. And if you're actively trying to "make" someone like you... I'd think a little harder as to whether or not she's worth your time. If she has interest in you, take as much time as you feel necessary to try to cultivate something, but if she doesn't send any sort of signal... that doesn't make her awful, but it does mean that it's time to move on. There's enough people on the planet - the odds are that someone for you is out there somewhere. A little patience goes a long ways.