How to quit the Hobby/Addiction?

[Petit prince]

Some members here said they retired
But why coming back on merb then?
You might get tempted.. to come back. I feel like it’s a board to avoid to login if someone wants to stop & move on?

 

[LeDodo]

The simple but complicated formula to quit the "hobby" is to make the rewards of ordinary life greater than the instant gratification that the "hobby" provides.

For me it involved changes in different areas of life. Moderate but consistent physical activity; taking on additional responsibilities at work; moving to a better neighbourhood; more time spent reading physical books and learning new things; seeing my parents more often; spending a bit more on restaurants. Importantly, less screen time led to better sleep, which led to better emotion regulation and impulse control.

There also comes the realization to have lived all of your experiences. D'avoir fait le tour. As mentioned in other threads, with rare exceptions, the quality of our interactions with agency SPs seems to have declined since the pandemic. It's also us getting older and more jaded... Thus the rewards of each encounter have gotten smaller. Not wanting to end up like the Leolist client who is on an endless quest for the hidden gem that will never come, this is what prompted me to stop. At the same time, I was making progress in the other domains of life mentioned above. I also came to terms with the idea that I will remain single likely forever. If making friends in adulthood were easier I would certainly make efforts...This is an area for improvement.

If someone were to ask me where to start the answer may surprise you: sleep (7-8 hours of quality sleep). At its core, being addicted to the hobby is like every addiction: it is a problem of emotion regulation. Not having enough sleep all but guarantees that it will be difficult to accomplish that. In summary, different moving parts must come together to build a more meaningful, rewarding life.

So you have successfully stopped?

Some members here said they retired
But why coming back on merb then?
You might get tempted.. to come back. I feel like it’s a board to avoid to login if someone wants to stop & move on?

I have exactly the same thought lol

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Some members here said they retired
But why coming back on merb then?
You might get tempted.. to come back. I feel like it’s a board to avoid to login if someone wants to stop & move on?

I agree. It's not just tempting to come back but to just commiserate endlessly with other retired users.... It's pretty negative

 

[AnthonyAnderson]

So you have successfully stopped?

I have stopped, but success will only be measured in the long term.

Some members here said they retired
But why coming back on merb then?
You might get tempted.. to come back. I feel like it’s a board to avoid to login if someone wants to stop & move on?

You make a good point. We could call it a residual habit. I have cut down significantly on the amount of time I spend here in recent weeks, but I still want to keep abreast (pun intended) of what is going on in the industry. (Just to clarify: i don't consider having "retired". This was never a job...This is another example of the silly vocabulary that we find in this sphere)

 

[Dreamer69]

I retired for a few days or should I say I got tired for a few days and then I'm back, I can't quit !

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I have stopped, but success will only be measured in the long term.

You make a good point. We could call it a residual habit. I have cut down significantly on the amount of time I spend here in recent weeks, but I still want to keep abreast (pun intended) of what is going on in the industry. (Just to clarify: i don't consider having "retired". This was never a job...This is another example of the silly vocabulary that we find in this sphere)

I agree the word retired is silly.

My question is... Why do you want to know what's going on in the industry?

 

[Giselle Montreal]

Just to clarify: i don't consider having "retired". This was never a job...This is another example of the silly vocabulary that we find in this sphere

Thank you for saying it. I bit my tongue to keep myself from saying anything!

 

[masterfreak]

Quel drôle de communauté c'est par curiosité que je retourne sur merb
Je rencontres très rarement et lire certains commentaires ici me refroidis encore plus
J'ai hâte de réussir à me détacher complètement de cette activité
Ce forum créé aussi une dépendance mais beaucoup moins pire
Y a tellement d'activités à faire dans cette ville je profite au maximum des restaurants
Je m'entraîne je médite je fais beaucoup de vélo dès randonnées en nature
Il faut se tenir occupé avec les festivals
C'est maintenant possible d'éviter beaucoup de trafic avec les navettes fluviales
Y a moyen de se faire beaucoup de plaisir en diminuant au maximum les booking

 

[Stoo]

Share thoughts

Oh I dunno... Try not doing it. Get a girlfriend. Pound your meat. This isn't rocket science. If you think it's bad for you, or you don't enjoy it, or you can't afford it, just stop. It isn't heroin.

Incidentally, I'm a widow, I live in a remote part of Ontario where the definition of a hot girl is one with most of her teeth. I'm more of a massage guy, but I find it genuinely "nice" and I can afford it. I see the same 4 or 5 women and I am genuinely fond of them, and I think it's mutual to various degrees.

A final thought.... Your first step to quitting is getting off MERB.. Alcoholics trying to quit don't spend hours walking the aisles of the liquor stores

 

[twenty4seven]

Oh I dunno... Try not doing it. Get a girlfriend. Pound your meat. This isn't rocket science. If you think it's bad for you, or you don't enjoy it, or you can't afford it, just stop. It isn't heroin.

Incidentally, I'm a widow, I live in a remote part of Ontario where the definition of a hot girl is one with most of her teeth. I'm more of a massage guy, but I find it genuinely "nice" and I can afford it. I see the same 4 or 5 women and I am genuinely fond of them, and I think it's mutual to various degrees.

A final thought.... Your first step to quitting is getting off MERB.. Alcoholics trying to quit don't spend hours walking the aisles of the liquor stores

Yeah, and off the agency sites/leolist/tryst ads. Baiting yourself for sport unnecessarily isn't a bigger victory you're just tempting fate. And when you break you won't have had the distance, physically or otherwise, needed from all your favourite sins to prevent from jumping right back in. Wild behaviour.

 

[Smitty Jaeger-Manjenson]

Dead simple. If/when I find a wife. In the words of Ward Rackley from King of the Hill (i.e. animated Styx Hexenhammer), "Probably from the East". I feel a strong hostility towards adultery (adultery also damn near destroyed the career of my favorite athlete and childhood hero, so I would have to be a goddamn fool not to learn from his mistakes), therefore I could not see myself as going gallivanting about once married.

On the other hand, marriage to me is akin to an unrealistic fantasy. I am plagued with trust issues and generalized misanthropy, thus I have a hard time imagining myself sharing my life and living quarters with another person 24/7. I am very fond of beautiful women but don't trust them anywhere near enough to take such a life-altering step, especially as a good friend of mine had his life ruined by a divorce and it turned him into a depressed, despondent Bill Dauterive (cool it with the KotH references already). Realizing my lofty career goals is actually closer to my grasp than a happy married life, so that is what I choose to focus on. If the other ambition somehow occurs as well, well hey, what an unexpectedly pleasant bonus. But if I allow my happiness to hinge on that, I am setting myself up for a lifetime of misery,

As such, I predict plenty of gallivanting with ladies of the evening in my future, barring a freaking miracle whereby I actually do get hitched. It's a good thing that I've learned to be financially responsible, avoiding the risk of fucking myself out of house and home. People gamble themselves out of house and home, so I don't see this pastime as being that different.

 

[skarsga]

There is a big difference between sex and drugs.
Having safe sex between consenting individuals is healthy. Doing any amount of certain drugs (coke, heroin, speed) is unhealthy. For people who think this hobby is immoral, they should never even dip their toes in the water. What is left after that are two groups, 1st people who utilize sp services with restraint (healthy in my opinion) and 2nd people who don't (risky unsafe behavior, overindulging, living beyond means etc, all very unhealthy). For this unhealthy group that cannot reign themselves in, the only thing that would work is quitting cold turkey. Like an alcoholic who cannot even have one drink without descending into madness, so I think it is for this person.
Sex addicts anonymous, counseling, stable relationship, these seem like the best possible treatment.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I don't think it's about sex being immoral. I think it's about what you expect from these types of encounters. It could become compulsive or you can start not seeing reality as it is fully