Ask us anything part 3

[Lunaseraphim]

The problem with that is what you may consider abusive behavior and boundary pushing may not be for another SP.

Obviously. That's why everyone has different boundaries, which are often stated in our ads and discussed during the booking process. That's why I always ask for people's expectations when they are booking me, because if they are looking for an experience I cannot provide I don't want anyone to be disappointed. (or on the contrary, they will be pleasantly surprised if I say that I can accommodate an experience!)

One example of this is a client, no idea if he is a merb user or not, who asked for a PSE service from someone and gave me her name as a reference. I explained several times that I'm GFE and what my limits are. When I was with him, he yanked my hair, choked me and spat all over my face. Some people enjoy this type of experience if it's been discussed beforehand, but it was not. To me that is abusive. I don't see how you can look at this any other way.

Not all SP have the same boundaries, and crossing that boundary is unacceptable. It's not really that hard to respect consent.

 

[MCTJ]

Is there to be a uniform rules of conduct to govern all situations?

Consent.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

When you're paying for sexual services that doesn't mean that you're in a porn movie and can do whatever you want. There's always going to be a SP who will accept to do what you want if it's within reasonable limits anyways, there are even SP who are subs. It's not hard to clearly discuss services and restrictions and to decipher what kind of experience you'll be able to get with someone. If someone has time to read and write multiple reviews all the time they can take the time to talk to the SP directly and read her ads carefully..

Everyone is hyper fixated on BBFs too. If the provider is offering it out of her own free will and not being coerced into it.. Obviously it's dangerous, but if the client books that provider for it I don't care, as long as he leaves me alone and as long as he doesn't try to make it sound like this is the norm to others. Having someone slap me or fuck me in the ass without asking would be just as traumatic as a client removing the condom, but that wouldn't get someone banned here... It's weird.

 

[Cap'tain Fantastic]

Is there to be a uniform rules of conduct to govern all situations?

C’est pas compliqué, ça s’appelle le consentement! Il suffit de demander si la femme a est partante ou non pour telle ou telle activité.

 

[massagecentre]

Question for everyone: has anyone ordered a duo where the outcall girl goes to the incall place where another SP from the incall agency and I are waiting for a duo session? Is this bad protocol?

 

[CuriousGent]

it

Question for everyone: has anyone ordered a duo where the outcall girl goes to the incall place where another SP from the incall agency and I are waiting for a duo session? Is this bad protocol?

it's funny you asked this question, because this morning I was thinking who choose what incall to use in a duo situation where both women are indies and have different incalls but have not meet each other before

 

[Lunaseraphim]

it's funny you asked this question, because this morning I was thinking who choose what incall to use in a duo situation where both women are indies and have different incalls but have not meet each other before

That's happened to me multiple times! It all depends on who's incall is available at the moment, and which location is more convenient for everyone. I always offer to host because I don't mind cleaning and preparing the area.

 

[LC18]

Most of the time, the providers will figure it out between them. It’s most of the time the incall that’s available or cheaper to rent

 

[2fast2slow]

ok I have a question please

there is a provider i saw many times in like 2021-2022. Then she went away, then she came back and when I saw her in late 2023 early 2024 I asked for her number. I saw her very sporadically in 2024 until once early in 2025.

Well she is back for a month and she let me know via text. Truth is, although I like her as a person a lot, sexually (the kind you pay for) I've lost complete interest.

i am not one to 'ghost people", but I just cant think of a way to tell her i am not interested in seeing her anymore, and within the nature of the biz I wonder if it is just not better to not respond? that seems to be the way a lot of people handle things these days.

Or as a provider, would you rather hear the truth, that, although i still really like you as a person, I just dont want to pay to have sex with you anymore?

 

[Alucard87]

Take her on a social date and then tell her you have a nasty STD ?

 

[jeffmathers]

ok I have a question please

there is a provider i saw many times in like 2021-2022. Then she went away, then she came back and when I saw her in late 2023 early 2024 I asked for her number. I saw her very sporadically in 2024 until once early in 2025.

Well she is back for a month and she let me know via text. Truth is, although I like her as a person a lot, sexually (the kind you pay for) I've lost complete interest.

i am not one to 'ghost people", but I just cant think of a way to tell her i am not interested in seeing her anymore, and within the nature of the biz I wonder if it is just not better to not respond? that seems to be the way a lot of people handle things these days.

Or as a provider, would you rather hear the truth, that, although i still really like you as a person, I just dont want to pay to have sex with you anymore?

You could say you're busy or say nothing. This is a business.

 

[DouMan]

ok I have a question please

there is a provider i saw many times in like 2021-2022. Then she went away, then she came back and when I saw her in late 2023 early 2024 I asked for her number. I saw her very sporadically in 2024 until once early in 2025.

Well she is back for a month and she let me know via text. Truth is, although I like her as a person a lot, sexually (the kind you pay for) I've lost complete interest.

i am not one to 'ghost people", but I just cant think of a way to tell her i am not interested in seeing her anymore, and within the nature of the biz I wonder if it is just not better to not respond? that seems to be the way a lot of people handle things these days.

Or as a provider, would you rather hear the truth, that, although i still really like you as a person, I just dont want to pay to have sex with you anymore?

Maybe just be clear about the situation and tell her that since you have developped a more personnal relationship together that you do not feel comfortable pursuing the professional sexual experience.

For you there is an important line between the "client" and the "friend". See how far that goes with her.

 

[Fradi]

Obviously they should. One issue is that some clients ask in person and not through text and now they know that some idiots use other member's handles to ask us so they can just give us their handles by text and not prove it. Verbal abuse, humiliation, other types of boundary pushing (non consensual acts, physical aggressiveness & violence) are also things multiple providers have had to deal with, including with certain merb users. It would be great if we could just report abusive members to the mods but I'm not sure if it's realistic..

Yes this is unfortunate but it can also be a weapon.
Who’s to say that unscrupulous SP won’t falsely report people who do not agree with them and who they get pissed at.
Also what has been mentioned that anybody can use someone else’s handle in an email or text to either look for this or to purposely try and get another member banned who they are pissed at.

Anybody that looks for BBFS or is a danger to any SP yes should be banned but this is very difficult to prove.
I will never understand why any guy would be so stupid and selfish to risk his own health and the health of others for this.

 

[LeDodo]

Also what has been mentioned that anybody can use someone else’s handle in an email or text to either look for this or to purposely try and get another member banned who they are pissed at.

For that then the SP can just request a DM from that member on MERB.

I will never understand why any guy would be so stupid and selfish to risk his own health and the health of others for this.

If common sense was so common ...

 

[Rebaynia]

Question for everyone: has anyone ordered a duo where the outcall girl goes to the incall place where another SP from the incall agency and I are waiting for a duo session? Is this bad protocol?

I think the sound of asking an Indy, to go to an agency location might sound weird.

But this sounds similar to an outcall indy going to see a couple.

Personally, I would like to have a private discussion about boundaries and expectations for the duo before being part of a duo. I wouldn't want to feel like we were competing, or either of us to feel like 1 is doing too much, or not enough. Like a PSE incall, but a GFE outcall provider might cause an odd pairing when 1 does so much more outside the GFE providers comfort zone.

While a conversation between the 2 providers beforehand can make a world of difference to having say a cohesive duo GFE, or duo PSE, with clarity of everyone's boundaries, and one where there has been no comunication. Not everyone is ready to walk into a complete unknown.

 

[Rebaynia]

Or as a provider, would you rather hear the truth, that, although i still really like you as a person, I just dont want to pay to have sex with you anymore?

Ok truth might be a little hard to hear.

I don't encourage lieing, but if there is a truth you can say?

-I met someone recently. (She doesn't need to be told it is a new SP.)
-I am not available to meet up. (Because I don't want to be available.)

You could ghost, or give any reason you want. It isn't a relationship, you don't owe her a meeting, but you want to spare her the rejection, I would hope.

You could even just say you are looking to not spend money you can avoid spending at the moment. No one needs a reason to try to avoid spending. Economy is messed up for everyone these days.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Yes this is unfortunate but it can also be a weapon.
Who’s to say that unscrupulous SP won’t falsely report people who do not agree with them and who they get pissed at.
Also what has been mentioned that anybody can use someone else’s handle in an email or text to either look for this or to purposely try and get another member banned who they are pissed at.

Anybody that looks for BBFS or is a danger to any SP yes should be banned but this is very difficult to prove.
I will never understand why any guy would be so stupid and selfish to risk his own health and the health of others for this.

No that's not how it works, the mods won't ban someone unless we have either a personal proof from elsewhere or the person messaged us here. You have to have a screenshot of the person mentioning their username.

What do you think we'd have to gain from lying about something like this? There are users I really don't like here lol but it wouldn't serve me, other SP and other clients to lie about them doing something to me if I've never even seen them.

ok I have a question please

there is a provider i saw many times in like 2021-2022. Then she went away, then she came back and when I saw her in late 2023 early 2024 I asked for her number. I saw her very sporadically in 2024 until once early in 2025.

Well she is back for a month and she let me know via text. Truth is, although I like her as a person a lot, sexually (the kind you pay for) I've lost complete interest.

i am not one to 'ghost people", but I just cant think of a way to tell her i am not interested in seeing her anymore, and within the nature of the biz I wonder if it is just not better to not respond? that seems to be the way a lot of people handle things these days.

Or as a provider, would you rather hear the truth, that, although i still really like you as a person, I just dont want to pay to have sex with you anymore?

I don't think you should tell her that because it could make her feel like she's unattractive.. honestly we aren't in relationships with our clients and they don't owe us anything. If a client isn't interested in booking me I'd rather just hear him clearly say that instead of wasting my time and saying "I really like you as a person but I don't find you attractive enough to pay you for sex anymore "...

 

[philonius]

On the topic of duos, I know the norm with indys is to match the higher rate but since some have a differential in play options/rates as well as social rates, I've been finding that asking each individually if they're cool with the other in a duo and then adding them both to an email and saying "$X is what I have set aside for this night, here's a couple things I would be open to, and I'd like to play for at least Y hours, can we make this work?" and letting them come to an agreement seems to be working out for me, but is it the wrong way to go about it?

 

[Rebaynia]

On the topic of duos, I know the norm with indys is to match the higher rate but since some have a differential in play options/rates as well as social rates, I've been finding that asking each individually if they're cool with the other in a duo and then adding them both to an email and saying "$X is what I have set aside for this night, here's a couple things I would be open to, and I'd like to play for at least Y hours, can we make this work?" and letting them come to an agreement seems to be working out for me, but is it the wrong way to go about it?

Well at least you are giving them the opportunity to discuss with eachother their parameters.

It can also help to ask a provider if they have prefered duo partners and what their prices are.

 

[philonius]

Well at least you are giving them the opportunity to discuss with eachother their parameters.

It can also help to ask a provider if they have prefered duo partners and what their prices are.

Yeah, I usually go with their preferred partners or just ask them to pick someone they trust we will vibe with (and sometimes keep it a surprise, which has been so incredibly hot) but recently I've had to do some multi-sp outings because I have too many I want to see when I come to MTL that it's the only way to see my faves in one trip.