How to quit the Hobby/Addiction?

Mandouke · May 3, 2026

Excellent topic.

I entered the hobby about 4-5 years ago and have wondered the same thing. Since that time, I have seen over 100 different girls at massage parlours or as Indies. I would note that when I entered the hobby, I had rarely paid for it and was able to meet and score with women regularly. I began the hobby on a lark at a time in my life when I was transitioning into settling down. I never married in life and have always been single.

At first, it seemed ideal to me. I would no longer be looking for women in all the old places like bars and nightclubs. It was convenient. I began slowly and, in time, noticed that my frequency was increasing and I was beginning to spend much more time and money on the hobby.

To date, I have spent 1000s of dollars on the hobby, and while I can afford it, it still brings to mind some of the issues that the original poster brought up. I have thought long and hard about it, and for me(I am speaking for myself personally), the thought that always arises is "intimacy".

I believe that my seeing SPs and engaging in the hobby allows me to escape the aspect of intimacy with another female, which is always present in relationships outside the hobby. What do I mean?

When I engage with a SP, the bottom line is exactly that, the bottom line, money. I know it, and she knows it. I can tell her the most intimate aspects(good and bad) about my life and who I am. I will not be judged because, at the end of it, it is a financial transaction; if the SP wants to see me again, she will not judge me, and if she does, I will move on to the next SP. Simple as that.

On the other hand, in a relationship, I will be judged. The woman will judge if I am a suitable candidate for a long-term relationship and whether or not she wants to devote any more time to fostering a healthy long-term relationship with me. The addiction aspect for me is one of intimacy, or rather, the fear of being judged and ultimately, rejection.

mtlspacial · May 3, 2026

JustIndude said:
I was 7 years old when you wrote this post. 21 years later, I’m in your shoes wandering the same thing.
I’m glad you found your answer, I hope I’ll find mine

Hi Justin,

There might not be an easy answer to this—no "do this, do that, and it’s fixed" kind of solution. Honestly, this forum may not even be the best arena for it.

I’d suggest really introspecting on what brought you to use sex workers and why you keep using them. It could be any number of reasons. Some people start because they lack the confidence, skills, or success in finding partners—low self-esteem and all that. That was my case at the beginning. Others do it because they don't have a compatible partner, which is the case for me now. Some have a genuine need to feel loved and mistakenly believe this could fill that gap. Some are just trying to get over a breakup. A lot of people are just lonely and need a connection; it’s a quick escape, even if it doesn't last past the time you paid for. Then you have those who genuinely enjoy the taboo of it, those who want sex on their own terms, or people who just don't have the time for a relationship. You even have older men who aren't ready to give up on their sex lives at 70 and want to feel young with a beautiful, intelligent woman. There are probably countless other, even healthy, reasons.

Up to that point, no one should judge. But you have to understand the reason that brought you to this and see if it’s still valid.

On the flip side, you have plenty of emotionless men out there—some probably reading this right now—who use sex workers because they want to abuse women they perceive as inferior. Some are looking for underage or trafficked girls; they’re literally paying to rape. Jeffrey Epstein is just the tip of the iceberg. I doubt that’s your case, but some people on this forum need a reality check. Sorry to be a bummer.

You also have to put yourself in the shoes of the workers you frequent. You have some girls who are just trying things out, some who decided to do this to support themselves, and others who decided that’s the lifestyle they wanted. Some will do this as a "quick shower" just to get some cash—quick in, quick out. Some use it as a way to feel desired—thinking that if no man wants them for free, at least they won't hesitate to pay. Others do it for revenge on ex-boyfriends or parents, and some have simply never been loved.

On the darker side, some have drug dependencies and have fallen into a hole they can't get out of; you’ll see clients review girls as addicts and they still slept with them. Some have been trafficked or fell in with the wrong people and became victims of abuse. (There’s a video of Clémentine, who used to work at XO, that’s worth watching).

Every single worker is navigating a minefield. Unless she knows and trusts you, she’s always wondering if this is the client who will hurt her. Another interesting, if dark, read is Putain by Nelly Arcan. Some argue it’s not representative, but for certain workers, it really is just an endless parade of meaningless dicks.

If you feel like you've reached a point where this isn't good for you anymore, you’re definitely not alone. There’s no magic answer for this kind of addiction, but I’d suggest a couple of things. Reaching out for professional resources can give you the tools you need. Seeing a psychologist doesn't mean you're crazy; it just helps you get a different perspective on how your thinking works. Sex Addicts Anonymous could help, too. You’ll meet other people—some of them really successful individuals—who are working through these exact same issues.

Hope this helps.

AnthonyAnderson · May 3, 2026

mtlspacial said:
Talking to a psychologist doesn't mean you’re crazy, it just gives you a different perspective on how your brain is wired and might give you strategies outside this forum. You could also look into Sex Addicts Anonymous

When it comes to addictions, the consensus is that a group-based setting is generally a better option than individual therapy–although the latter can definitely be a complement for concurring anxiety or depression. I don't know if there is a Sex Addicts Anonymous group in Montreal, but it's worth looking into. An important note: as opposed to substance-based addictions, recovery from sex addiction does not entail abstinence–sex is a normal part of life after all. Rather, it involves establishing parameters and guardrails around the practice of sex (e.g. no paying for sex) that will ultimately lead to healthy relationships and sex life.

I cannot stress enough the importance of healthy relationships, including friends, family and community ties, both as a buffer against addiction and as a facilitator during recovery. Unfortunately, the modern world being what it is, these are some of the things that are the most in short supply. Addiction is one of the defining features of our times.

As a starting point, I would recommend this self-help book (4.5 stars on Amazon)
https://a.co/d/0dNVx595

mtlspacial · May 3, 2026

Lunaseraphim said:
Hi, I know your intentions are good, but I would urge you to please not assume the reasons why women enter this industry.. Most of us are here because it's a way we found to survive and thrive in a difficult economy, and some of us actually do enjoy this work. Really often, some of the stereotypes enable people to hurt us. ''some have never been loved'' ''a parade of meaningless dicks'' ''some use it to feel desired''........ what do you know about all of this?

Hi Luna, I don't presume to be in anyone's head. I was just stating possibilities to consider. I was just making the point clients have their reasons and providers may have different reasons or circumstances as well.
You have your own experiences, reasons, and your own point of view. But it doesn't mean it's the same for everybody.

AnthonyAnderson · May 3, 2026

In recent months it seems to me that the quality of advice on this board is increasing, through the contributions of well-informed and respectful members.

AnthonyAnderson · May 3, 2026

AnthonyAnderson said:
In recent months it seems to me that the quality of advice on this board is increasing, through the contributions of well-informed and respectful members.

There seems to be a consensus among well-informed and respectful members on the following points:

Sex workers are not inherently bad persons
Infrequent use of paid services is not problematic
Frequent use of paid services over months or years can turn into an addiction and cause significant distress
A long term relationship with a sex worker is not the same thing as a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife relationship.

mtlspacial · May 3, 2026

Lunaseraphim said:
I never said it's the same for everybody. All I said is that the vast majority of us joined this industry because we consider it to be a good option financially, for now, and view it as a real job, with it's advantages and disadvantages. If nobody considers what we are doing as work, and instead view it as a hobby (just like for some of you) or as self harm, no one will ever respect us... and this is bad for clients in my opinion because some of them will use these ideas to justify using our services in a certain way and disrespecting us.

Yes, it was clearly stated that some providers do this as work and it's all good. But my point is the clients must look at themselves. What's their raison for doing this? Also, what's the provider's reason and circumstances for doing this.

When the reasons are good on both the provider's end the clients end, with an attitude of trust and respect and safety on both sides, then what's the issue? It's mutually beneficial.
I understand out there there will be clients who will be disrespectful. Doesn't matter how much you argue, their attitudes are not going to change. You should't have to take any of it. On the other hand, you should concentrate on those who clearly know how to show you the outmost respect and tune out those that don't.

TheJames101 · May 3, 2026

AnthonyAnderson said:
Sex workers are not inherently bad persons

Can';t imagine this one even being a point of debate or discussion - sex workers are just people like anyone else. They're in an unusual line of work, but not one that is more or less immoral than, say, a business man.

Lunaseraphim · May 3, 2026

mtlspacial said:
Yes, it was clearly stated that some providers do this as work and it's all good. But my point is the clients must look at themselves. What's their raison for doing this? Also, what's the provider's reason and circumstances for doing this.

When the reasons are good on both the provider's end the clients end, with an attitude of trust and respect and safety on both sides, then what's the issue? It's mutually beneficial.
I understand out there there will be clients who will be disrespectful. Doesn't matter how much you argue, their attitudes are not going to change. You should't have to take any of it. On the other hand, you should concentrate on those who clearly know how to show you the outmost respect and tune out those that don't.

In my opinion, the provider's reasons and circumstances are not really anyone's business.. It's a line of work. Yes, it's particular, it involves danger and intimacy, as well as other things.. but it's still a job that we chose. What I think is more concerning is exploitation, coercion and trafficking. That, in my opinion, should be discussed and concerns everyone, including clients.. In a way I understand what you're trying to convey, it's a reality check for clients who think this is a hobby for us and not really work. As someone who considers discretion important, I try not to pry on the reasons why clients book me and other sex workers, but I do agree that they have to look at themselves because they are the customers after all. I think some clients should think about their motivations, what kind of feelings booking escorts bring for them, and how it makes them react. I am not sure if what I'm saying is clear.. but I think this is pretty much unanimous

TheJames101 said:
Can';t imagine this one even being a point of debate or discussion - sex workers are just people like anyone else. They're in an unusual line of work, but not one that is more or less immoral than, say, a business man.

Yes sex workers are just people like anyone else, but there are stereotypes about us being greedy, weaponizing and monetizing sex and intimacy in all contexts, being manipulative etc. It's not false that most of us are led to this industry due to social and economic reasons, and that does involve certain health problems, but that doesn't mean we are toxic to clients. When it comes to having negative consequences from booking sex workers and feeling anger and sadness and all sorts of other things, I think the client needs to take care of himself and step back..

I've said this before but most clients don't book sex workers that often, or they stick to one or a few providers.. They enjoy seeing us and are happy about it. Some fall in a different category, and yes in those cases compulsive behavior, and negative feelings can be present

Gazoo64 · Aug 14, 2026

mtlspacial said:
Hi Justin,

There might not be an easy answer to this—no "do this, do that, and it’s fixed" kind of solution. Honestly, this forum may not even be the best arena for it.

I’d suggest really introspecting on what brought you to use sex workers and why you keep using them. It could be any number of reasons. Some people start because they lack the confidence, skills, or success in finding partners—low self-esteem and all that. That was my case at the beginning. Others do it because they don't have a compatible partner, which is the case for me now. Some have a genuine need to feel loved and mistakenly believe this could fill that gap. Some are just trying to get over a breakup. A lot of people are just lonely and need a connection; it’s a quick escape, even if it doesn't last past the time you paid for. Then you have those who genuinely enjoy the taboo of it, those who want sex on their own terms, or people who just don't have the time for a relationship. You even have older men who aren't ready to give up on their sex lives at 70 and want to feel young with a beautiful, intelligent woman. There are probably countless other, even healthy, reasons.

Up to that point, no one should judge. But you have to understand the reason that brought you to this and see if it’s still valid.

On the flip side, you have plenty of emotionless men out there—some probably reading this right now—who use sex workers because they want to abuse women they perceive as inferior. Some are looking for underage or trafficked girls; they’re literally paying to rape. Jeffrey Epstein is just the tip of the iceberg. I doubt that’s your case, but some people on this forum need a reality check. Sorry to be a bummer.

You also have to put yourself in the shoes of the workers you frequent. You have some girls who are just trying things out, some who decided to do this to support themselves, and others who decided that’s the lifestyle they wanted. Some will do this as a "quick shower" just to get some cash—quick in, quick out. Some use it as a way to feel desired—thinking that if no man wants them for free, at least they won't hesitate to pay. Others do it for revenge on ex-boyfriends or parents, and some have simply never been loved.

On the darker side, some have drug dependencies and have fallen into a hole they can't get out of; you’ll see clients review girls as addicts and they still slept with them. Some have been trafficked or fell in with the wrong people and became victims of abuse. (There’s a video of Clémentine, who used to work at XO, that’s worth watching).

Every single worker is navigating a minefield. Unless she knows and trusts you, she’s always wondering if this is the client who will hurt her. Another interesting, if dark, read is Putain by Nelly Arcan. Some argue it’s not representative, but for certain workers, it really is just an endless parade of meaningless dicks.

If you feel like you've reached a point where this isn't good for you anymore, you’re definitely not alone. There’s no magic answer for this kind of addiction, but I’d suggest a couple of things. Reaching out for professional resources can give you the tools you need. Seeing a psychologist doesn't mean you're crazy; it just helps you get a different perspective on how your thinking works. Sex Addicts Anonymous could help, too. You’ll meet other people—some of them really successful individuals—who are working through these exact same issues.

Hope this helps.

Very comprehensive analysis! Thanks for writing this, what you’ve stated is absolutely the true.

I’ve been hobbing for a number of years and, at times, I found myself getting somewhat addicted to this hobby. Sometimes I would repeat, I had a couple of ATFs that I repeated with over a few years, sometimes I would try a new SP and it was fun. But a SP that I was repeating with retired recently; and I stepped back and reflected on this hobby.

Lately, I cut down the frequency of hobbying quite a bit, and kept busy with activities, doing stuff with friends and family, I have hobbies, and just enjoying the summer. And you know what? I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would.
I’m definitely not one of those guys that will check the schedule each evening, refreshing the screen 100s of times, hoping to book the most popular SPs. Lol!

As much as some encounters are authentic, and some girls will confide things to us, make us feel special, and make it seem less transactional, at the end of the day this hobby is based on a transactional framework. These women are selling us a fantasy. Nothing wrong with that, it’s their job and guys are paying to feel good.

Guys see SPs for different reasons: whether it’s guys that are lonely, guys wanting to live out a fantasy, not getting sex from their wives, or too shy to approach women, etc. But at the end of the day, it’s a fantasy. It’s important to keep this in perspective.

IMO, there’s nothing wrong with participating in it, but becoming addicted to it can be a problem. Anyway, I’m feeling much better about it. I’ll still occasionally hobby, but I feel much better that I’m less dependent on it and it’s good for my pocketbook. Lol!

My two cents! Cheers!

Skym · Aug 14, 2026

By going broke lol

Thor Jr · Aug 14, 2026

Skym said:
By going broke lol

For me, it would be because of love. Im a one woman man.
Right lady comes along, im out.

EastWind · Aug 14, 2026

For those who continue to do this for years and years and not get bored I bow to you. You are an absolute mongering champ. I wish I have that kind of dedication to always be amazed with the Montreal GFE shaved beaver.

mr.cabrera · Aug 14, 2026

Hi Gents,

I retired couple of months ago and for me this hobby was about experience and getting to know people. I was at a stage of my life last year where I needed to get confidence on certain things. Meeting models helped a lot and in certain during session, it was only chit chats (example I spent a session talking about investments and another about cooking).

I retired but still kept contact with some of them but won’t be booking anymore. As mentioned above, some gents wants a experience, satisfaction or because they can’t have it. I went for experience, some were excellent and some weren’t. Agencies were always great to me and I was great to them. As long as you found something else as hobby your good (I cook more, play basketball and travel a lot).

Hope it helps and feel free to DM me if you have questions.

Cheers!

M.C.

newguy39 · Aug 15, 2026

Hopefully would be needed to get back regular good sex plus others share activities at home and love-complicity with an interesting wife/girl friend I guess (some I don't have for now)... otherwise willl be very hard to quit hobby for me

LeDodo · Aug 15, 2026

AnthonyAnderson · Aug 15, 2026

The simple but complicated formula to quit the "hobby" is to make the rewards of ordinary life greater than the instant gratification that the "hobby" provides.

For me it involved changes in different areas of life. Moderate but consistent physical activity; taking on additional responsibilities at work; moving to a better neighbourhood; more time spent reading physical books and learning new things; seeing my parents more often; spending a bit more on restaurants. Importantly, less screen time led to better sleep, which led to better emotion regulation and impulse control.

There also comes the realization to have lived all of your experiences. D'avoir fait le tour. As mentioned in other threads, with rare exceptions, the quality of our interactions with agency SPs seems to have declined since the pandemic. It's also us getting older and more jaded... Thus the rewards of each encounter have gotten smaller. Not wanting to end up like the Leolist client who is on an endless quest for the hidden gem that will never come, this is what prompted me to stop. At the same time, I was making progress in the other domains of life mentioned above. I also came to terms with the idea that I will remain single likely forever. If making friends in adulthood were easier I would certainly make efforts...This is an area for improvement.

If someone were to ask me where to start the answer may surprise you: sleep (7-8 hours of quality sleep). At its core, being addicted to the hobby is like every addiction: it is a problem of emotion regulation. Not having enough sleep all but guarantees that it will be difficult to accomplish that. In summary, different moving parts must come together to build a more meaningful, rewarding life.

Petit prince · Aug 15, 2026

Some members here said they retired
But why coming back on merb then?
You might get tempted.. to come back. I feel like it’s a board to avoid to login if someone wants to stop & move on?

LeDodo · Aug 15, 2026

AnthonyAnderson said:
The simple but complicated formula to quit the "hobby" is to make the rewards of ordinary life greater than the instant gratification that the "hobby" provides.

For me it involved changes in different areas of life. Moderate but consistent physical activity; taking on additional responsibilities at work; moving to a better neighbourhood; more time spent reading physical books and learning new things; seeing my parents more often; spending a bit more on restaurants. Importantly, less screen time led to better sleep, which led to better emotion regulation and impulse control.

There also comes the realization to have lived all of your experiences. D'avoir fait le tour. As mentioned in other threads, with rare exceptions, the quality of our interactions with agency SPs seems to have declined since the pandemic. It's also us getting older and more jaded... Thus the rewards of each encounter have gotten smaller. Not wanting to end up like the Leolist client who is on an endless quest for the hidden gem that will never come, this is what prompted me to stop. At the same time, I was making progress in the other domains of life mentioned above. I also came to terms with the idea that I will remain single likely forever. If making friends in adulthood were easier I would certainly make efforts...This is an area for improvement.

If someone were to ask me where to start the answer may surprise you: sleep (7-8 hours of quality sleep). At its core, being addicted to the hobby is like every addiction: it is a problem of emotion regulation. Not having enough sleep all but guarantees that it will be difficult to accomplish that. In summary, different moving parts must come together to build a more meaningful, rewarding life.

So you have successfully stopped?

Petit prince said:
Some members here said they retired
But why coming back on merb then?
You might get tempted.. to come back. I feel like it’s a board to avoid to login if someone wants to stop & move on?

I have exactly the same thought lol

Lunaseraphim · Aug 15, 2026

Petit prince said:
Some members here said they retired
But why coming back on merb then?
You might get tempted.. to come back. I feel like it’s a board to avoid to login if someone wants to stop & move on?

I agree. It's not just tempting to come back but to just commiserate endlessly with other retired users.... It's pretty negative

How to quit the Hobby/Addiction?

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