A toxic, dangerous and humiliating ordeal. How to cope?
- Thread starter john4808
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Unfortunately good intentions don’t always lead to good outcomes. The fact that you provided her with basic necessities was certainly commendable except temporary relief doesn’t translate into lasting change. By repeatedly stepping in during crises that may have created an unhealthy dynamic. She relied on your support while you found purpose in being her rescuer.
Somewhere along the way meeting her needs might have became intertwined with your own need to feel needed and became part of what kept you emotionally invested
Somewhere along the way meeting her needs might have became intertwined with your own need to feel needed and became part of what kept you emotionally invested
In any case, it is helps me cope to think of it as a chemical addiction. When the bad feelings take over I can just tell myself:
" This feeling is just a symptom of withdrawal. I'm not actually missing her. I am missing the dopamine hit. What I'm feeling is just a physical symptom of withdrawal... It will pass. The bad feelings will fade. I'll meet someone else. I won't always feel this way. "
Right there is the problem! You think that you understood each other. She is a drug addict. At best, she saw you as a resource.
thank you for sharing your story. This went on for 3 years according to you. Besides the adrenaline rush as you say, what else is the attraction? Did she have a nice face and/or body and/or does she give your good nookie for you to stay so long?
You should see 10 girls and you will forget her. If not, see 10 more.
It would be fair to assume that you got your fair share out of this relation be it adrenaline, personal, sexual etc.
On the other hand you evoke having at numerous occasions acted out of simply wanting to help a person in need. This my friend is very commendable and honors you.
Maybe stop seeing what you may have "lost" and linger more on what you offered and stand tall and be proud of it.
J'ai lu ton message très honorifique, pour ensuite tomber sur ta "signature" et ca m'a fait bien rire haha. La combinaison message/signature a comme changé la vibe du message, Désolé fallait que je l'dise. ;-)
It is ok to miss someone and it is very easy to get into a situation where you think you are helping and feel some kind of friendship and the need to protect someone.
The problem is you are not equipped to help them, they need serious professional help and first they need to accept that they need it and seek it out.
They also need to start liking themselves and wanting to turn their life around.
You shouldn’t feel bad about what happened, sometimes your heart goes out to someone and it is difficult to let go even when deep down you know that person will keep repeating the same thing over again and your help and kindness is only a temporary fix.
Eventually you just need to let go and let a professional deal with it.
A combination of those things. She had a nice face, nice body. Not perfect but really my type in terms of that. but mostly what kept me coming back was the feeling like I wasn't paying for a service. This was a real, raw experience that made me feel more alive. Like I got to be part of this dramatic story with high's and lows. A real emotional rollercoaster.
It was the drama that I lacked in my relatively calm and stable"Day Life" that I was chasing after. A desire of wanting a full genuine human experience, if you will... The good and the bad, the high's and the lows.
Thanks man, you're right and I really appreciate you saying that, it definitely helps processing this whole experience.
This makes sense. The emotional rollercoaster ride is what is known as "trauma bonding". Quoting from the website below: "A trauma bond is characterized by cycles of negative reinforcement interspersed with occasional bursts of positive reinforcement; this so-called intermittent reinforcement makes it very difficult to leave an abusive relationship. But with support, healing is always possible."
Trauma Bonding
A trauma bond is an emotional attachment that can form in an abusive relationship, specifically the connection the victim feels toward the perpetrator. A trauma bond is characterized by cycles of negative reinforcement interspersed with occasional bursts of positive reinforcement; this so-called...
www.psychologytoday.com
You'll get over it eventually. If you see enough girls, you'll forget her.
Bam. Right there. This. You admit it. Something many wouldn’t and deny where they continue on because this is exciting.
You were attracted to the chaos and the added bonus of the pretty face with a rack in the right place.
Do you plan to replace one chaos with another? That is the main question. I mean you know this is toxic.
Well that's the problem...
I think I like some chaos in my life, and I've been scrolling through ads on leoslist and escorte intime, and I realized that a lot of the girls I found interesting seem to have the same look and chaotic lifestyle.
I was basically looking for a less abusive and less drug addicted replacement of her. But I think now I just want to take a break from it and focus on other parts of my life.
Maybe by doing that I can address some of the issues that are causing me to seek out this type of unhealthy relationship in the first place.
Well just be careful. Sounds like you have not got this out of your system yet. I guess you know when you know when you are going to hang this up and leave this behind.
In meantime I can say that a regular civie relationship is not for you in this stage of your life because you will be bored emotionally and mentally.
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