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Update: I met with lawyer, and as predicted he was not particularly interested or excited about my having seen escorts. He asked some questions about whether it was likely to come out, but was more concerned about the general division of assets and liabilities (like EB said). What really sunk...

PS my wife is not overtly crazy, and on the surface comes off as very well put together (although she has traumatized a couple of colleagues and subordinates in her work). It's really a total Jekyll & Hyde phenomenon, where behind closed doors she is incredibly controlling and prone to rages...

Thanks EB, It has occurred to me that staying in this situation could be considered negligent on my part, due to the impact on the kids. The problem is that when you are beaten down emotionally, your view of reality is utterly skewed and you really end up thinking you can't live without the...

I'm mainly seeing the attorney to understand my rights and obligations, and to figure out how to get my affairs in order "in case". The next step for me is not to initiate the divorce, but to start asserting myself and protecting my kids better without irrational fears of legal or other...

Thanks I have a legal consult tomorrow. You are right, of course (about the rumination).

That, Maria, is a very astute question. Some of my fears are probably neurotic, and others might be instilled by what I now consider to be years of abuse (being treated as worthless, not worthy of having opinions or preferences or goals). The list of things I fear in a divorce includes: the...

Thanks Maria, I agree with you that I have to make my peace with the small possibility that my escort meetings could be disclosed - it's something that I did (and in most ways do not regret) and I have to own that. I think the important thing in a legal case will be to keep control of the...

Encouraging - thanks for sharing!

Thanks all - To clarify, my original question was definitely: should I indeed disclose all facts to my own lawyer, who will of course be bound by attorney/client privilege (since none of what I've done constitutes child endangerment in any way). I would never willingly introduce this in...

Thanks - I recommend to look up Stockholm Syndrome to understand how easily this kind of thing can happen, especially with a manipulative person. I also learned a lot reading about the "Caretaker" role in relationships where the other person has Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic...

Thanks! As I mentioned in reply to Maria, our whole family has already done various forms of therapy. My wife is in denial that she has any kind of problem, even though the kids are still in therapy and stress about their mom's anger problem (I am told). I am very careful not to denigrate her...

Thanks - this does help. Please understand that I don't personally think there is any shame in seeing escorts, other than the breach of trust when you are married. In my case, there was so much cruelty in the marriage that I felt like this was a valid avenue for preserving my mental and...

Thanks all - it's helpful to get confirmation that it really is in my best interest to disclose all to my lawyer. I have already discussed all this stuff in therapy, which helped to realize that a professional (who probably hears everything, including much worse than anything I could reveal) is...

PS I realize I must consult a family law attorney ASAP - I'm grappling with questions like these: - where to get recommendations, especially lawyers familiar with BPD cases - am I correct in assuming that I should tell my lawyer *everything* (including past hobby-ing and risk of disclosure?)...

Hi - Returning user here after long hiatus. As the name of the thread suggests, I am in a thorny marital situation. Yes, I have been a hobbyist, and my rationalization is that this has been one of several coping mechanisms in a very difficult situation. No, I have not been caught, but...