I was 7 years old when you wrote this post. 21 years later, I’m in your shoes wandering the same thing.
I’m glad you found your answer, I hope I’ll find mine
Hi Justin,
There might not be an easy answer to this—no "do this, do that, and it’s fixed" kind of solution. Honestly, this forum may not even be the best arena for it.
I’d suggest really introspecting on what brought you to use sex workers and why you keep using them. It could be any number of reasons. Some people start because they lack the confidence, skills, or success in finding partners—low self-esteem and all that. That was my case at the beginning. Others do it because they don't have a compatible partner, which is the case for me now. Some have a genuine need to feel loved and mistakenly believe this could fill that gap. Some are just trying to get over a breakup. A lot of people are just lonely and need a connection; it’s a quick escape, even if it doesn't last past the time you paid for. Then you have those who genuinely enjoy the taboo of it, those who want sex on their own terms, or people who just don't have the time for a relationship. You even have older men who aren't ready to give up on their sex lives at 70 and want to feel young with a beautiful, intelligent woman. There are probably countless other, even healthy, reasons.
Up to that point, no one should judge. But you have to understand the reason that brought you to this and see if it’s still valid.
On the flip side, you have plenty of emotionless men out there—some probably reading this right now—who use sex workers because they want to abuse women they perceive as inferior. Some are looking for underage or trafficked girls; they’re literally paying to rape. Jeffrey Epstein is just the tip of the iceberg. I doubt that’s your case, but some people on this forum need a reality check. Sorry to be a bummer.
You also have to put yourself in the shoes of the workers you frequent. You have some girls who are just trying things out, some who decided to do this to support themselves, and others who decided that’s the lifestyle they wanted. Some will do this as a "quick shower" just to get some cash—quick in, quick out. Some use it as a way to feel desired—thinking that if no man wants them for free, at least they won't hesitate to pay. Others do it for revenge on ex-boyfriends or parents, and some have simply never been loved.
On the darker side, some have drug dependencies and have fallen into a hole they can't get out of; you’ll see clients review girls as addicts and they still slept with them. Some have been trafficked or fell in with the wrong people and became victims of abuse. (There’s a video of Clémentine, who used to work at XO, that’s worth watching).
Every single worker is navigating a minefield. Unless she knows and trusts you, she’s always wondering if this is the client who will hurt her. Another interesting, if dark, read is
Putain by Nelly Arcan. Some argue it’s not representative, but for certain workers, it really is just an endless parade of meaningless dicks.
If you feel like you've reached a point where this isn't good for you anymore, you’re definitely not alone. There’s no magic answer for this kind of addiction, but I’d suggest a couple of things. Reaching out for professional resources can give you the tools you need. Seeing a psychologist doesn't mean you're crazy; it just helps you get a different perspective on how your thinking works. Sex Addicts Anonymous could help, too. You’ll meet other people—some of them really successful individuals—who are working through these exact same issues.
Hope this helps.
