Why might a SP side-step an up-front conversation about boundaries/wants/willings?
---And how could I follow-up so as have to have greater clarity (without being pushy)?
I like clear, direct communication b/c there’s a wide spectrum of activities I like and I’m asking to find out:
*what they’re genuinely into (i.e. Giving & Allowing (for them)),
*what they’re happily willing to do (i.e. taking & receiving (for me)), and
*what their objective-boundaries are.
And thinking out loud here...
I get that there’s a lot of nuance and subjectivity to most of sex and I happily engage in (hot) ongoing check-in’s (like “How light, how hard, how long, etc.,”), but that sometimes follows knowing whether they’re even objectively interested in going into that general area.
I’ve gotten different responses like “You’ll know.” and “I’ll tell you.” and I’ve tried following up by sharing & asking them about specific activities that I’m into. This issue is also why I favor regular-tionships. A lot of this takes time and space to work through.
(The first genuine “negotiation” I had was with the Montreal Unicorn Healers, but this isn’t just about kink. It’s about the vanilla-variations as well.)
I can think of a few reasons why they might want not to have that conversation (e.g. vibe-management, shyness, awkwardness, inexperience, personal preference, flow-preference (i.e. "those conversations take one out of the moment/focus”), etc.,). I wonder if you all could share other motivations that might be playing out?